
The Clone Wars, Season 5, Episode 20: She’s Leaving Home
Snips and Skyguy come to the end of the line.
The Clone Wars, Season 5, Episode 20: She’s Leaving Home
Snips and Skyguy come to the end of the line.
Rebels, Season 3, Episode 6: I Don’t Get The Whole Mandalorian Thing
The writers feel the same way I do about Mandalore; excessive Jetpack Action takes place.
The Clone Wars, Season 4, Episode 12: At Her Majesty’s Pleasure
Obi-Wan hands the Flirt Baton to Anakin; everyone gets electrocuted again.
The Star Wars Holiday Special: This Is Your Star Wars On Drugs
Prepare for the holiday season with Snark Wars!
The Clone Wars, Season 4, Episode 11: We May Have Struck a Nerve
The Family encounters a race of slavers; Obi-Wan is bringing it despite his usual terrible workday.
The Clone Wars, Season 5, Episode 19: Not This Time
Ahsoka works to clear her name but ends up looking twice as guilty; Anakin thinks he’s having a bad day now but doesn’t even know what he’s in for.
Rebels, Season 3, Episode 5: The Most Delayed Realization Yet
Seventeen years or so after Order 66, people finally figure out The Hidden Mystery of the Clone Wars, and I very nearly have a breakdown.
The Clone Wars, Season 5, Episode 18: No Way Out
It’s the beginning of the end for Snips and Skyguy.
Rebels, Season 3, Episode 4: You Can’t Go Home Again (Because It Blew Up)
Hera’s family is going to need to hire a construction crew; Thrawn is working on the Rebels’ case files.
The Clone Wars, Season 2, Episode 5: With My Last Breath, I Snark At Thee
Obi-Wan and Anakin lovingly bicker their way through the episode even though Obi-Wan is maybe about to die; Ahsoka and Anakin have a little friendly competition.
"Luke, some primal instinct to Protect Obi-Wan At All Costs within him activated, is like “LISTEN HERE, INDIANA JONES: THAT OLD FOSSIL BELONGS IN A DAMN MUSEUM BEN KENOBI IS A GREAT MAN AND HE HAD GREAT HAIR AND HE’S KICKED MORE ASSES THAN YOU” and you know, I’d laugh and everything, except that I am totally on Luke’s side here. How dare you, Han Solo."
"Threepio shows Anakin in, and Padme immediately is like “all right, get lost Threepio, I need to hold a special session of the Senate in Anakin’s pants like yesterday."
"Lady, you’re the one who speed-walked away from him the last time you guys talked about feelings; you can’t just throw this out there now. Also there is kind of a lot of other stuff going on right now, and he’s trying to help you. What precisely are you hoping he’ll do about your love-that-can-never-be situation at this exact moment out here in what is basically the Senate parking lot?"
"Anyways, Anakin declares this the Happiest Moment of His Life, which of course means that literally nothing good will ever happen to him ever again."
Star Wars: Episode III, Part II: The Tragedy of Anakin Skywalker the Unwise
"I didn’t even realize until I went to pull the screengrabs that Qui-Gon even touches Obi-Wan’s cheek as he’s imparting his last words, as does Satine. I’m sure Obi-Wan appreciates the attention to callbacks, guys! HIS PAIN RHYMES WITH HIS OTHER PAIN."
"Bridger, you just pulled a woman through a goddamned wrinkle in time — at this point I’m pretty sure “large wolf partially haunted by ghost of my Master” isn’t even a stretch at this point. (As an aside, the sheer batshittery going on here surely means we are at Maul Threat Level Orange, minimum, everyone, so stay vigilant.)"
"I AM DYING THAT THIS ADORABLE FUCKER IS FIFTY GODDAMN YEARS OLD, which means that THIS BABY AND ANAKIN SKYWALKER WERE BORN AT THE SAME TIME. ANAKIN’S ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN OVER FOR 5 YEARS ALREADY. The ENTIRE LUCAS-ERA SKYWALKER SAGA HAS COME AND GONE AND THIS TINY DUDE IS STILL CHILLING IN BLANKET BURRITO IN A DAMN BASSINET. HE BASICALLY NAPPED THROUGH THE ENTIRE CLONE WARS AND THE ENTIRE EMPIRE. I love him. I LOVE HIM."
Just to reiterate: Obi-Wan was off gathering important information that could save countless lives at great personal risk, and in the meantime Anakin was off BEING FED GRAPES IN BED BY HIS SECRET WIFE. I promise I’m laughing as I say this? But FUCK YOU, ANAKIN."
"Considering how important Obi-Wan’s continued existence and Jediness is going to be for both the Jedi AND the entire universe in the long-term, they should be sending Satine a damn “thank you for not (continuing to be?) having sex with this man” stipend on a weekly basis instead of pulling this kind of crap."
"As mandated by the Rules of Galaxy, of course, there are only a handful of reasons to ever go to this Sandy Nightmare Planet: 1. To pick up a Skywalker, 2. To find Obi-Wan Kenobi and/or rifle through his stuff, or 3. Because your shirtless nightmare told you to. In this go-round, we’re entering through Door Number 2."
"I have never felt closer to a character in Star Wars than I do to Padme in this moment. I, too, would be unable to comprehend what was happening if the government sent me Obi-Wan and Anakin as presents."
"Yoda now proceeds to snatch food off of Luke’s little table and eat it. Please recall that Yoda’s last exposure to the Skywalkers was walking through the aftermath of Anakin’s Tornado of Death in the Jedi Temple. I kind of feel like some part of Yoda was like “well, he seems like a good kid and all, but also THIS FAMILY OWES ME AT LEAST A FUCKING GRANOLA BAR if I’m gonna wade into all THIS again.”"
"Basically, Mid-Level Project Manager Orson Krennic is going to talk to his company’s VP to discuss some challenges on his recent assignment. It’s just that instead of going up a couple floors to the executive offices, he’s had to meet this guy AT HIS LAVA CASTLE BUILT ON THE SITE OF HIS GREATEST HEARTBREAK.”"
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Part III: Set Your Weapons to Pun
"Honestly, now I’m starting to get confused as to whether Anakin is arguing with this guy or just hitting on him. Which, in fairness, is pretty much how Anakin was raised to deal with bad guys by the Ultimate Grand Master of Sexually-Charged Trash Talk, Obi-Wan Kenobi. "
The Clone Wars, Season 6, Episode 5: If Only There’d Been Warning Signs
"I can’t even believe this guy is upright anymore given the hundreds of electrocutions, injuries, near-death experiences and dramatic jumping-out-of-exploding-things he’s already experienced, but sure, Kenobi: you should probably spend your waning years of physical health beating things with heavy sticks."
"Padme, meanwhile, is sick of this bullshit: she’s packing her 157 steamer trunks of hats and wigs and capes and beaded ballgowns that she uses as nightwear and she’s going back to Naboo, damn it!"
"Satine? Goes Full Skywalker here and is like I WILL HAVE YOUR ASS KICKED IF YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO KNOW and Padme has to be like “…whoa girl, let’s just take it down a notch or twelve” and Satine is like DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO AMIDALA and just…ladies and gentlemen, if you do not think OBI-WAN KENOBI HAS A TYPE, well, I do not know what to even tell you anymore."
The Clone Wars, Season 3, Episode 5: We Have So Much In Common
"This means that Anakin, Hero Space Pilot, is going to have to try and land what’s left of this smoldering ship. Can he do it? Will they make it? I would be remiss if I did not point out what many others, including myself, have before, which is that if all of them had just crashed and died here, the universe would almost certainly have ended up in better shape than it does. Oops."
"Luke instead is like GOLLY BEN: do you really think we’ll find a pilot to take us to Alderaan here? So, Luke is MORE skeptical of the idea that they can find themselves a glorified Uber driver here than he is about the fact that this old dude he’s traveling with just told him HE CAN CAUSE STRANGERS TO DO HIS BIDDING USING MIND POWERS? "
Star Wars: Episode IV, Part III: A Wretched Hive of Smug and Absurdity
"Sidious tells Vader not to worry about some reports of the Rebel fleet near Sullust, and then grandstands about how soon they’ll be crrrrrrrrushed and Luke will be “one of us”. LOL. You mean an overdramatic idiot with superpowers who enjoys showboating? Done and done, Excellency. "
"Anakin is having what is entertainingly described as a moment of clarity, which is funny because A) I don’t know if “I’ve finally decided to lean into my murderous rage” should be considered a clear-headed decision, and B) as if I’m ever going to believe Anakin had a moment of his life that didn’t involve at LEAST 10% confusion and befuddlement. He is in constant need of supervision. "
Revenge of the Sith, Part II: Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace
"Obi-Wan spots a settlement on Tatooine that they can land on, possibly because the Force is like, blasting the supernatural equivalent of a John Philip Sousa march at him all GO LAND **RIGHT** **HERE**, YOU NEED TO DO THIS JUST TRUST ME IT DEFINITELY WON’T RUIN YOUR LIFE, ba-da-da-da-daaaaa! "
"It’s Qui-Gon! And he’s here to check up with Obi-Wan on how things are going with Project Let’s Train the Chosen One Even Though Everyone Kept Telling Us Not To."
The Clone Wars, Season 3, Episode 15: Your Destiny Lies Along a Much Weirder Path Than Mine
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