The Dark Side Stole My Boyfriend

Revenge of the Sith, Part II: Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace

Anakin is well on the Road to Nowhere Good; Dooku learns an important lesson the hard way.

Artoo sends Luke off on an early-morning errand; Obi-Wan presents the Abridged and Not Entirely Accurate History of the Clone Wars.

The Jedi Order has its worst day in a long time; Darth Vader arrives on the scene; Obi-Wan escapes death but will maybe wish he hadn’t.

Anakin complains a lot; Sidious pulls off his barely-there disguise; Grievous meets his fate.

Anakin gets some Big News and has his first, but not last, temper tantrum of this film; Obi-Wan is an embarrassed dad with a Bad Feeling About This.

Obi-Wan and Anakin are the Handsome Heroes we all deserve; Sheev is a gloriously wicked villain; I love this movie so much.

Sheev makes some big gains; Anakin loses major ground in his own battle; I do a lot of anguished yelling.

Palpatine’s got a New Plan; Anakin is not coming out of this one without a little more Dark Side.

Anakin and Obi-Wan talk things out at a volcano; the gang finally escapes Crazytown.