Tragic Backstory – SNARK WARS

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Part III: Set Your Weapons to Pun

Saw’s fight is over; Galen’s read the guide on how to die like a Star Wars dad; Anakin’s back again to defend his title.

Obi-Wan’s only got a few moments left to live, and he’s going to spend literally all of them thinking about his two favorite people.

Galen Erso gets a mandatory job offer; the Rebellion finally figures out what that gigantic menacing ball is; Bail and Mon Mothma deserve some PTO.

Fresh off the assembly line, Vader gets sent on his very first Sith Assignment.

Qui-Gon might be bleeding to death but he can still judge people; Obi-Wan joins the I Can Fly/Almost Crash-Land Anything club.

Artoo sends Luke off on an early-morning errand; Obi-Wan presents the Abridged and Not Entirely Accurate History of the Clone Wars.

Kanan has a flashback to that time that Everything Changed.

The writers feel the same way I do about Mandalore; excessive Jetpack Action takes place.

The Family encounters a race of slavers; Obi-Wan is bringing it despite his usual terrible workday.

Hera’s family is going to need to hire a construction crew; Thrawn is working on the Rebels’ case files.