STAR WARS RECAPS AND COMMENTARY. (THE FUN KIND.)

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Season 1, Episode 6: Unchain My Heart

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Season 1, Episode 6: Part VI

Star Wars is really an infinite grab bag of silliness: what you’ll get on any given day is anybody’s guess. Sometimes we’re out in the desert bonding with the Tuskens, or we’re running around on robot spider legs and fueled by our own rage, or we’re riding on a Space Fanboat while looking for a Hutt, or we’re bringing weirdly sexual energy to our meeting with Jango Fett. Sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes it’s exciting. Sometimes it’s touching. Sometimes it’s so ridiculous that it’s bad, and sometimes it’s so ridiculous that it’s good.

And sometimes? Well. Sometimes, it’s perfect. And it is to my ENDLESS delight that I can say that today’s episode is one of those times. Of all the shows for Star Wars to just…knock it out of the stratosphere with, the fact that it was this one makes me so, so happy. I can only extend my most sincere gratitude to the people who helped make this show happen, because I have never felt so seen and catered to in my entire fandom life. This is basically the episode of my dreams. It’s heartbreaking, it’s heartwarming, it’s fun, it’s pretty, it’s devastating. It’s got Villainous Proclamations and dorky-as-hell dialogue delivered in total earnestness and stuff happens that completely defies logic and it’s just everything I could have ever, ever wanted. I’m not joking when I say that I had a wish list for this show that included things I never in a million years thought I’d actually get, and I got…ALL of them, really. It’s insane. I would change NOTHING. The acting is superb, I loved the story we got, and I adore how it adds to the wacky world of Star Wars. Maybe you loved it, too. Maybe you didn’t. Either way, I hope you are not cyberbullying anybody about it, and instead will allow me to take you along with me today to show you what made it all so special to me.

All that having been said, let’s first take a quick look back: last time, on One More Goddamned Thing On Obi-Wan Kenobi’s Plate, Obi-Wan had drawn on his many years of dealing with Anakin’s bullshit to figure out a way to save a bunch of people and make Anakin look like a chump in the process. I am always here for that. We’d also learned that Reva’s Tragic Backstory involved being a Baby Jedi during Order 66, and that this whole time she hasn’t been working FOR Anakin: she’s been waiting for the right moment to KILL Anakin in retaliation for murdering her family. We’d also been treated to not one but TWO Death Fakeouts, first when the Grand Inquisitor showed up after dying in a previous episode, and again when Reva managed to sustain herself even after being Mauled by Vader. I would like to point out that she would absolutely be 100% dead if Vader had spent even 3 more seconds on the task at hand, but again, this is Anakin we’re talking about. Light side or Dark Side, he’s always been kind of a shitty employee.

We’d closed on two Dramatic Things: the ship Obi-Wan, Leia, and their allies are escaping on is having Hyperdrive Issues, because no ship in Star Wars has ever operated correctly for more than 3 total minutes, and with the Empire hot on their heels, Obi-Wan sensed that Something Else is up. He doesn’t know it yet, but Reva’s got some inside info about Luke Skywalker, and she’s on her way to Tatooine, giant gaping abdomen wound be damned. Uh oh! I’d be worried for Baby Luke, except that I know he’s not going to die because of something silly like a woman who should by all accounts be dead who wants revenge against the bio-dad Luke never knew. He’s going to die as an old bearded weirdo on Planet Ireland while Skyping himself across space to own his tantruming loser nephew. OBVIOUSLY. Tale as old as time, really.

All right? All right! The end of the line for the Obi-Wan Show: what a journey it’s been. Let’s get into the recap, so that I can prove to myself that this episode actually really truly happened, otherwise I’ll never believe it. I hope you all like incoherent keysmashing and copious lyrics from pop songs that came out before 90% of this blog’s audience was born.

No One Needs You More Than I Need You

The episode kicks off with the Content Warning from last week, and just…I know, Star Wars. I KNOW I WILL FIND IT UPSETTING. I’m still not over the FIRST episode of this show. Stop rubbing it in.

We start things on Tatooine, where Reva, a bit worse for the wear after being murdered that one time, busts into a line for water in pursuit of Information:

Yes, she’s looking for Owen, whom she heard Bail mention in a holo-voicemail in the last episode. Well, at least that jerk from the first episode who works at Unsanitary Outdoor Meatpacking Inc with Obi-Wan gets his hand slapped by her during this. He had it coming.

We then jump back into space, where Vader’s star destroyer is gaining on The Good Guys. Just. I am sorry, but just look at this fucking diva:

He may as well be wearing a ballgown for how much he swooshes that damn cape around. We get it, Anakin: you’re very fancy. How can someone be this funny when all they’re doing is WALKING? Skywalker, you are an icon.

He tells his guys to increase their firepower. Things start getting rocky on board the fleeing ship. Roken gives an update, and says they’ll try to get to Tessen, which is presumably a planet somewhere and since this is Star Wars, I assume it’s either yet another desert, something batshit crazy like Mortis, or a place that’s been ravaged by Space Mining.

Obi-Wan is Thinking Some Thoughts:

Roken is like “eeeeeesh, uh, well, everything on the ship is broken, so…we’ll see? I guess?” Obi-Wan asks him how much time they need, and Roken just ominously replies that they need more time than they have. Gee, IF ONLY someone could like, I dunno, keep Anakin occupied for a while, these people might not have to die horribly! MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE, OBI-WAN, AND THEN NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. It really was all your fault. Leaving a grown man unsupervised for a couple of days just because “you had to go to work” and “Anakin is in his 20s and a military General, surely he can take care of himself for 48 hours without going insane and killing everyone”. You fool. How dare you.

The people are starting to panic, and Obi-Wan scans the room before landing on Leia, who is very sweetly and kindly showing Lola to a little boy. Obi-Wan? LOVES THIS GIRL SO HARD IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM.

He is SO PROUD OF HER. He loves her SO MUCH. He buys her stuff and gives her hugs and makes her laugh and fixes her droid and HE IS THE BEST UNCLE SHE IS SO LUCKY I JUST–

Leia walks over and tells Obi-Wan that the people are scared, but Lola helps distract them from it. Obi-Wan crouches down and says:

You know, I’m a little bit sad that Artoo didn’t come along for this adventure. I would have laughed so hard at him being there for yet another Obi-Wan vs. Anakin confrontation, because you know Artoo would basically be yelling swear words at Anakin and Anakin would be SO PISSED that ONCE AGAIN his droid leaves with Obi-Wan.

Anyways, Leia gives him a thoughtful, sweet look in response. Aww.

I Hope They’ve Got Power Converters In Stock

Back on Tatooine, Sweet Baby Luke Skywalker is going shopping!!

Look at this little peanut! I’m dying.

Owen grumbles a bit about WHY they need a new belt (LUKE), and then someone comes bursting into the shop, with Bad News for Owen. It’s the guy who Reva had been looking for information from before. Dun dun DUUUUUUN!

While we wait to see how this all unfolds, Obi-Wan has made his mind up about something, and has broken some news.

Recurring Theme: Skywalker Syndrome

Obi-Wan has made the decision to go it alone to buy everyone some time, and Leia? IS SO MAD AT HIM.

Getting sassily yelled at by Anakin’s own flesh and blood because OH MY GOD OBI-WAN YOU CAN’T GO SOMEWHERE WITHOUT ME. Obi-Wan’s heart must be so full right now.

Obi-Wan tries to explain that he and Vader are completely and utterly abnormal about one another in every possible regard, and that Vader’s Kenobi Madness will keep him distracted.

And man, don’t I know it. Doesn’t Sheev know it. Doesn’t EVERYONE know it. I’ll get the late-great General Grievous over here to take us briefly back to the Clone Wars to expand on that:

This guy gets it.

Leia is not persuaded by Grievous, or me, or Obi-Wan, though, and she tells him she won’t let him go. Again: if Obi-Wan ever had even a moment of concern that he’d picked up the wrong kid, he surely doesn’t now.

Recurring Theme: Help Me Obi-Wan Kenobi, You’re The Only Guy I Know Who’ll Willingly Involve Himself In This Nonsense

Everyone is like WAIT WAIT WAAAAIT hold up Kenobi, we said we’d all stay together, you can’t just bail on us! Obi-Wan protests: they need more time, and he can give them that! He looks out at all of them, and says that this group has spent ten years protecting the Jedi:

Roken tries to argue, but Obes isn’t having it: they need to let him help get everyone to safety. They’re all the future! He gestures at Leia, specifically, and emphasizes: SHE is the future! Leia turns away from him in a huff. I love her. He says that the people here are who need to survive (and, y’know, somewhat suggesting that it’s OK if he doesn’t make it.) Leia is just like NOPE, and storms off:

Can you even imagine how MUCH Leia must have LOATHED Darth Vader with every single fiber of her BEING?! I already knew she hated his guts but like, he killed her parents, he killed her birth mom, he killed her birth father, he destroyed her home planet, he tried to torture her and he cut off Luke’s hand and he froze her boyfriend. And also HE KILLED HER UNCLE OBI-WAN RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER before she even got to hug him again.

Haja, with one hour of babysitting under his belt, tells Obi-Wan that he finds that Leia needs to be given space. LOL. As if OBI-WAN of all people doesn’t know that a Skywalker needs to go sit with their Rage for a moment and chill the fuck out. Obi-Wan asks Haja to promise him that he’ll get Leia home safely. Haja gives him his word, and then jokingly says that his word might not be worth much, what with him being a liar and a fake Jedi.

I mean, that’s sweet and all, Obi-Wan, but also you’re in a jam anyways so like, beggars can’t be choosers. In response to this, Haja looks like he is going to start swooning at any moment as they stare at one another for juuuuuuuust a bit longer. WHY DOES OBI-WAN HAVE SO MANY MOMENTS WITH RANDOM PEOPLE LIKE THIS.

Recurring Theme: Owen and Beru, Parents of the Year

Owen and Luke return to the homestead, and Owen ushers Luke inside. He tells Beru what’s going on, and she asks how Reva knew Luke was here. Owen says he doesn’t know, but he does know she’s coming.

Ha! Burn. Also it just occurred to me that they don’t know where the fuck Obi-Wan is, like, at all. Do they think Owen scared him right off the planet? Do they think he’s just taking some Obi-Wan Time elsewhere? Or is his depression cave just really really way the hell out there and Owen didn’t feel like making the trip?

Owen tells her they need to leave, and Beru is like “…um, to where? The middle of the damn desert?? I’m not going ANYWHERE, PAL”: they’ll protect their family their own damn selves! She tells Owen they are enough:

Aunt Beru is a badass! Turns out she has a Secret Gun Stash, and she throws one at Owen. He looks like he isn’t quite sure he believes what’s happening here:

Not only is Beru Armed and Dangerous, she already has a plan, and starts barking out orders to him. Wow. Do not fuck with the women of Star Wars, kids. They have weapons and no time for your bullshit.

When The World Has Dealt Its Cards, If The Hand Is Hard, Together We’ll Mend Your Heart

Obi-Wan approaches Leia now, and she’s dejected:

Well, sorry Leia, but this is YET ANOTHER THING Anakin’s gonna ruin for you and Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan looks heartbroken, and tells her that he wishes he could.

He kneels down, and hands her the holster Tala was using.

It’s in impressive condition considering Tala blew herself up, but all right! I’ll allow it, Star Wars. You know I don’t give a shit about this kind of stuff as long as you’re taking me somewhere I like and treating me to a good time.

Leia lovingly examines it, and then points out to Obi-Wan that it’s empty. Obi-Wan ages another 10 years and rolls his eyes:

He points out that she’s only 10 years old. She smirks a little at this and huffs out a bit of a laugh.

I am FINE. Then she stares at him some more and he looks at her WITH SUCH LOVE ON HIS FACE I CAN’T LIVE. Leia leans forward, and it’s Hug O’Clock again!!!!!!!!!!

I. Look how happy she looks. This looks like an A+ hug. I once shook Obi-Wan’s hand and it was a solid 10/10 experience, would recommend (and aren’t you all very proud me for surviving the experience?), so his hug skills are probably pretty strong, too.

Just in case you were wondering, this hug? Does not get easier to cope with from the other angle:

Anakin. He loved your babies and he took care of them and kept them safe because he loved you. Cry about it in your bacta tank tonight. I know I sure as hell would.

She tells him to promise he’ll come back, and he grimaces and looks like he is VERY NOT SURE ABOUT THIS as he promises her:

Obi-Wan, you should know by now that she knows when you’re lying. He looks at her with resolve, and gives her a little nod as he studies her face. Awww. Gosh, THIS SHOW.

After All That We’ve Been Through, It All Comes Down To Me And You

We see Obi-Wan sitting elsewhere on the ship, staring at his lightsaber. He talks to Qui-Gon again, basically being like, “WELP, this is it, looks like either I’m gonna die or Anakin’s gonna die, finally“, which is extra funny because of course we know neither of them will.

LOL, NOPE. Nice try, Obes. You’ve got 9 more years of this bullshit before the sweet embrace of death. At least you get like, 3 years of relative peace and quiet in the Great Beyond before Anakin dies and joins you for an eternity of wedded bickering.

Roken arrives and tells him that the dropship is ready for Obi-Wan, but also tries once more to talk him out of it. Obi-Wan insists he has to do this, and Roken is like “Ohhhhhhhh, I see how it is”…

Yeah, when these two are involved, it’s never gonna be about anybody else. Roken is like “you WANNA do it, don’t you?” and, well, Obi-Wan sure wants to do SOMETHING with Anakin, that’s for sure. (Sorry.)

Obi-Wan tells Roken that he’s a good leader, and to keep up the good work. Roken smiles:

Awww! Good. GOD I love the Rebellion.

Vader is informed that an escape craft is leaving the ship and he’s like “eeeeeeeeeeee yes it’s him finally I have a BOYFRIEND AGAIN” and the Grand Inquisitor is like “um, we should probably focus on the Jedi Smuggling Network, though, sir? Could you maybe stop being so horny for personal vengeance?”

Oh sure, because Anakin is always making sound choices.

Speaking of ANAKIN. He is too much; I can’t stand it. THIS is his reply:

Well, Skywalker, I’ll give you this: when you’re right, you’re right. He tells them to follow Obi-Wan, and the Grand Inquisitor is like “…sigh”.

You’ll Be In My Heart, From This Day On, Now and Forevermore

Back in the desert, Owen is doing his own version of the “ha ha, don’t worry, everything will be totally fine and I Am Not Freaking Out” conversation. He tells Luke that they need to hide from the Tuskens, and not some dark wizard who’s literally hunting a child.

He and Beru both reassure Luke (who sweetly says he’s not afraid, for both cuteness and Callback reasons). Their love for him is so obvious? I am just dying at all the interpersonal relationships here. I am gonna cry the next time I watch A New Hope.

Vader gets ready to get into his own ship, and Obi-Wan arrives on the surface of wherever the hell they’re supposed to be which is either unnamed or I am too lazy to go look up. Obi-Wan looks like he’s steeling himself:

Vader’s ship heads towards the planet surface, and Obi-Wan takes off his sleeveless robe, and sadly does not do so with Great Drama. I guess I lied in the intro to this recap: there IS one thing I’d add to this show.

He feels something in his pocket, and finds that Leia left him a present:

This is even worse because you KNOW Obi-Wan KNOWS how insane Leia’s people are about their robots. SHE GAVE HIM LOLA TO HELP HIM NOT BE SCARED. He is so touched and I know I’ve said it 200 times already but MY GOD HE JUST LOVES HER SO MUCH:

Honestly? Take THAT, Anakin, Obi-Wan has a NEW BFF and it’s YOUR OWN KID.

Reva arrives at the homestead as night falls, and she’s hobbling somewhat and panting. Well, being killed will take it out on ya, that’s for sure. I mean, I assume, having never died myself.

And If I Say I Really Knew You Well, What Would Your Answer Be?

On Planet Whatever, the Queen Bee has arrived:

Well THANK GOD Anakin brought his smoke machine this time. No wonder the last duel was so unfulfilling for him.

He steps off the ramp, and then there They are:

I want to apologize to you all because this entire episode IS SO DARK — as in colorwise — and these screenshots are SO HARD to make out. ALL of live action Star Wars post-buyout has had these moments because it is much easier to cover for a multitude of sins when no one can see anything for Drama. I still can barely make out any of the screengrabs for Exegol that I got for that one recap I did for Episode 9.

Vader sees Obi-Wan and starts moving towards him and honestly if they’d been building up to a (B)romantic Hug Moment it wouldn’t have even looked super out of place until you see just how hurt and wary Obi-Wan is.

Vader says this and I laugh out loud because I am hopeless:

Obi-Wan draws the Dialogue Callback Card and tells him that he’ll do what he must. GUYS JUST HOLD HANDS ALREADY OH WAIT I’M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF.

D’you wanna see what my boy does next??? HMMM? HE DOES THE THING!!!!

He is so handsome in this episode, honest to God. And look: Ewan is a handsome guy. I have seen his whole Hair and Face Situation upfront in person and had that smile aimed directly at me and had to string words together somehow. But like. I’m sorry, I don’t know HOW Obi-Wan is even more handsome than the literal same person with his exact face, but he just is.

ANYWAYS: Vader is like “OK fine, well, then you will die” and just…can I have a minute here, everyone? “THEN” he will die? So like, if Obi-Wan had been like “nah man I’m just here to shoot the shit and see how the whole Murderous Being of Horror and Darkness thing is going for you; also do you still have my Discman? I want my Oasis CD back because I’m lowkey trying to learn how to play “Wonderwall” on guitar since I have so much free time now that you’ve ruined my life”, would Vader have been like “cool let’s go open some beers on my ship and watch the game and catch up”??? If I were Obi-Wan I would have said “no” to that question just to watch Anakin lose his fucking mind with confusion.

And then. AND THEN. Fancy Footwork Time!!!!

I tell you, this show is EVERYTHING to me. Once again: if you work at Lucasfilm, and you’ve somehow inexplicably read here over the years, and you UNDERSTAND how much this show means to me, please just let me know where to send flowers or a Cheese of the Month Club Membership or something.

Full disclosure, lightsaber fights never really screengrab all that well, so like, y’know, maybe just remember/imagine this part on your own for the most part.πŸ˜…The boys are fiiiiiighting!!!!

Well I’ve Been Afraid Of Changin’, Cos I Built My Life Around You

We head back to Tatooine YET AGAIN (I should really make a keyboard shortcut for that phrase because GOD KNOWS I have typed it enough) and just as expected, Reva is prowling around:

Then, the Larses pop up and they’re packing heat!

You know what? It was about damn time a farmer threw down. It’s been a minute and we all know Star Wars is constantly berating their chosen profession.

Obi-Wan bashes the crap out of Vader and damn near knocks a giant rock onto him (JUST WAIT), and Vader is like YESSSSSS you’re not phoning it in any more!!!!!!!!!

But, Anakin adds: the WEAKNESS remains! Bwahahahahaha!

With that, he creates a fucking landslide/sinkhole with his anger, and Obi-Wan is pulled into it. That is an apt comparison to their relationship, I guess.

Anakin — for real — then proceeds to start hurling rocks at Obi-Wan, effectively trying to bury him alive. He has been SET ON FIRE AND BURIED ALIVE IN THIS SERIES. ANAKIN PLEASE CHILL THE FUCK OUT.

Recurring Theme: Anakin Skywalker, Deadbeat Employee

Vader all but dusts his hands off all “THANK GOODNESS OBI-WAN KENOBI, THE SCOURGE OF OUR TIME, IS DEAD”, making this the THIRD time JUST in this series that someone forgot to actually CHECK TO BE SURE SOMEONE IS DEAD. Vader is already patting himself on the back:

Anakin, I love to break it to you but that man is going to be owning your ass until the DAY HE DIES, OK? I will be there to laugh every step of the way.

JUST IN CASE you were worried that Anakin has ANY normal feelings about this whole thing, please enjoy how he punctuates this:

Yep. Anakin is so over him and dedicated to Team Sheev. Definitely.

Recurring Theme: I Believe The Children Are Our Future

Owen and Reva are duking it out, and Reva senses something from Owen: Love! For Luke! He really does love the boy!

Owen is like “yeah no shit he’s my damn kid????”

Man, I am SO HERE for all the validation of nontraditional and/or adoptive families in this show. And, really, I guess ALL of the shows SINCE THIS IS IN EVERY GODDAMN STAR WARS THING EVER BUT PEOPLE KEEP APPARENTLY MISSING THE POINT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Ahem. Moving on: Owen asks Reva what she wants, and she says “justice”. Friend, I know you are like knee-deep in horrible trauma but ALSO how the hell does killing Luke punish Anakin? That guy would have to A) know anything about anything, which, good luck, and B) be able to think about anything other than Padme and Obi-Wan for this to upset him. I guess it would punish Obi-Wan, which, if you’re still mad at him for having the audacity to go on a business trip leaving Anakin free to go to the opera with Space Satan while he was gone, I guess that’s fair.

Reva beats up Owen, then Beru, and chases Luke out into the night.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan is still under the rubble. He is straining to keep the boulders from crushing him, and trying to draw the strength to push them off. At first, he struggles: he just can’t let go of the Greatest Hits of Anakin Being an Asshole, which keep playing in his head:

But then — THEN — he has a Moment of Clarity. Maybe he can’t go on dragging Anakin’s ghost with him everywhere, BUT he has a couple other people for whom he can find a reason to live and love again:

THE BABIES. Oh. Oh my goodness.

Yes, so Obi-Wan just thinks about how MUCH he loves these kids, and it gives him the push he needs to get himself out of the pit, both mentally and physically. Watch your back, Anakin!

No Matter How Strong, I’m Gonna Take You Down With One Little Stone

Vader is genuinely just wandering around now. I guess he’s going back to his ship? But like, he is REALLY moseying along and it honestly seems more like he’s just brooding because of course he is.

He’s so distracted by writing up his social media vagueblogs about how he killed Obi-Wan that he doesn’t realize OBI-WAN IS RIGHT BEHIND HIM. Wow. So, then the boys are fighting again:

AND THEN. Guess what happens to Vader? Let’s see if Anakin has any ideas:

HOW IS THIS CANONICALLY NOT EVEN THE FIRST TIME THEY’VE HURLED ROCKS AT EACH OTHER. Oh boys. BOYS.

Regular readers are maybe the only people on Earth who can understand how much I mean it when I say I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCREENSHOT SO MUCH:

Fucking Glorious Space Wizard, indeed. Obi-Wan directs a hail of boulders at Vader, who was already kind of hunched over, and Vader gets PUMMELED. This gives Obi-Wan a chance to get closer and soon they’re back at it again. (FIGHTING I MEAN.)

Reva continues her pursuit of Luke, and over in The Longest Goddamn Divorce Proceedings In All Of History, Obi-Wan makes some headway against Vader.

Recurring Theme: The Helmet Takes a Beating

…and he does so by HOLDING HANDS WITH HIM?

This…goes on for MULTIPLE seconds? WHAT IS HAPPENING. Star Wars, please call me. I have so many questions and, to paraphrase Stevie Wonder, I just want to call to say I love you. (YES I have had a LOT of song lyrics in this recap.)

Eventually Obi-Wan gets in a good jab at Vader’s chest, and his breathing problems go from “seriously upsetting” to “somehow even worse”. With Vader slightly weakened, Obi-Wan honestly just fucking KICKS his ASS and it is AMAZING. He snarls, he goes FLYING at him, I AM IN LOVE and I bet Vader is too because at least SOMEONE is finally giving him a decent fight.

Even better/worse? Obi-Wan gets his very own Ahsoka Moment, as Vader’s Helmet gets sliced open:

Obi-Wan retreats somewhat, while Vader sits there pouring out sparks like a VERY low-budget 4th of July display. Obi-Wan maintains a defensive pose, but when he sees what he sees you can basically watch his heart break:

I’ve Seen Your Face Before My Friend, But I Don’t Know If You Know Who I Am

Obi-Wan is about as OK with what’s happening right now as I am.

THIS PART IS A HORROR SHOW. I. It’s perfect? I hate it?

He stops to take stock of what he’s seeing, which lets him say his FAVORITE WORD YET AGAIN:

Anakin, his voice a mishmash of both James Earl Jones and Hayden, lobs this back at Obi-Wan:

Look: whatever the hell is going on here, it sure as shit is not PLATONIC at this point?? Like they are SO tangled up with each other. Hate? Love? Force Dyad? Force Bond? The bestest friends who have ever existed ever? More intimate than lovers? Two Halves of a Single Warrior? New Queer Thing We Just Discovered?? I don’t know. I can’t say. I’m willing to allow that canonically of course they were not romantically involved, but they are also not fitting into any known box about each other, is all I’m saying. And also this whole scene is killing me and I’m just trying not to look directly at it.

Lord I Need To Find Someone Who Can Heal My Mind

Obi-Wan takes this all in and he is just. Destroyed. I love this because of course I’ve been asking Lucasfilm to make an “Obi-Wan Crying Show” for years AND Ewan has “Dramatically Betrayed And Yet Somehow Repentant Crying” as a special skill on his RESUME, I assume, but also? WHO WOULD ASK FOR THIS PAIN:

WHAT THE EVERLOVING HELL IS THIS. I have to see this???? No. I don’t wanna. HIS FACE.

It gets so much worse as Obi-Wan spills his guts.

I say this with no hyperbole: THIS IS THE MOST UPSETTING THING I HAVE EVER RECAPPED in the almost SEVEN years this blog has existed. Ewan! THIS MAN DOES DEVASTATION BETTER THAN MAYBE ANY ACTOR WORKING TODAY. Who else could ever? HE IS SADNESS INCARNATE. It’s perfect. I’m glad I did my part to help him get what I am sure was an OBSCENE amount of money for doing this show. He earned it, and also I am always happy when Disney gives the disgusting amount of money they’ve shaken out of me over the years to people other than like, Disney board members who probably voted for Ron DeSantis.

OBES. What is he even apologizing for? Being too handsome? Asking Anakin to talk to him too many times? Being so sad it makes me want to stab myself??

THEN THE BEST AND WORST THING EVER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD HAPPENS.

Vader takes in this horrifying upsetting crying situation, and Anakin is finally like “GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, Vader, give me the mic for a second so that Obi-Wan can be MARGINALLY LESS SAD because I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE LOOK HOW SAD AND HANDSOME AND GOOD HE IS”:

This has ENDED MY LIFE. Look: I make fun of Anakin a LOT. Some people get Very Mad at me for doing so. But for all my jokes (JOKES) about him not knowing anything about anything, part of the tragedy all the way back to Episode 2 has been Anakin KNOWING he is fucking up/about to fuck up. He wants more; he knows he shouldn’t. He killed a bunch of innocents; he KNOWS it was wrong. I am…so sad about him, and the thing that kills me is so is HE. I’m more sad about the CHILDREN HE MURDERED ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION, but still. Turns out you CAN have sympathy for the Devil, even if you don’t condone nor are OK with whatever he’s doing.

Your Heart Would Come Undone, Just Looking At Me Once

Vader then says that he’ll destroy Obi-Wan, too, and Obi-Wan is crushed.

AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH WHYYYYYYYYY. He punctuates this with “Goodbye, Darth” which is horribly sad AND awkward AND hilarious, so naturally I love it. THE WRITERS OF THIS SHOW UNDERSTOOD THE FUCKING ASSIGNMENT, THANK THE LORD. Finally.

And then? Obi-Wan just turns and WALKS AWAY. I am OBSESSED with the fact that Vader pulls that whole “when I left you…” line on Obi-Wan on the Death Star because TWO of the last THREE times they’ve met have ended with Vader getting his ass handed to him and Obi-Wan walking away from him. Comedy gold, and so on brand.

Anakin, wounded and wheezing, is left to do the only thing I ever do:

Me too, Anakin. Me too.

Obi-Wan heads back to his ship and leaves the planet, while Reva is closing in on Luke. Obi-Wan senses that Luke is in trouble and hauls ass to Tatooine. Again: this MAN and this FAMILY. He can detect Skywalker Danger ACROSS SPACE.

Luke slips and gets knocked out cold, and Reva approaches him. She’s about to kill him, but all she can see is Anakin, and her own terrified, younger self.

Reva wars within herself, looking at Luke and seeing herself in his place.

Recurring Theme: Look At What I Have Risen Above

Obes arrives in the desert and parks his ship in the Larses’ front yard. Beru and Owen are in a panic, calling out Luke’s name. Obi-Wan INSTANTLY runs over to them and is like OK HI GUYS GOOD NEWS SOMEONE FINALLY GOT ME SOME MEDS AND A SHOWER AND A CHILD TAUGHT ME TO LOVE AGAIN AND ANAKIN TOLD ME IT WASN’T MY FAULT THAT HE DIED WHICH WAS AN UNEXPECTED BONUS, SO, JEDI MODE ACTIVATED:

Obi-Wan doesn’t get far, though, before Beru spots Reva carrying a limp Luke Skywalker. Owen and Beru look terrified, probably because the LAST time someone creepily stalked over to their house with a limp body it was when Anakin’s mom died and he completely lost his shit.

Reva hobbles over to them and gently places Luke on the ground. Everyone stares with concern, and then Luke begins to stir: he’s alive! We can still have the Original Trilogy! Thank goodness.

Owen and Beru rush to collect Luke, and take him back inside the house, leaving Obi-Wan and Reva alone.

Reva sobs: she couldn’t do it! This develops into her lamenting her failure — not to kill Luke, but to protect and save her Jedi family:

Obi-Wan kneels down next to her and tells her that she didn’t fail them, and that by showing Luke mercy, she has given her lost family members peace.

For all my joking about how Star Wars makes me cry all the time, it actually very very rarely does. I have cried multiple times EVERY SINGLE TIME I HAVE WATCHED THIS EPISODE. Like, shedding very much actual tears.

THIS IS SO SWEET AND KIND??? OBI-WAN, you are KILLING ME HERE. Reva, weeping, asks Obi-Wan if she’s become just like Vader. Obi-Wan assures her that she has not: she has CHOSEN not to. And who she becomes now is entirely up to her. Choices! Choices are an important thing in Star Wars. Even once you’ve done something you know is bad! You can choose something else! Take notes, kids.

Reva cries some more, and eventually tosses her lightsaber onto the ground. I hope Owen and Beru make sure to get rid of that thing before Luke stabs himself with it by accident.

Obi-Wan helps her up:

I hope Obes gave her directions to a hospital after this, y’know, considering that she GOT RUN THROUGH WITH A LIGHTSABER like 5 hours ago.

Obi-Wan tells her that now, she’s free — they both are. OH. My heart.

Recurring Theme: You Were Always On My Mind

We return to Dramatic Bullshit Manor, where Vader is on a holo-Skype with his boss:

AHHHHH GUYS THEY EVEN GAVE ME SIDIOUS IN THIS THING. I am so touched. So Vader is like “don’t worry, I will literally shred the galaxy apart to find Obi-Wan”, and Sheev is like “SIGH, THIS BULLSHIT AGAIN. You OK over there, buddy?”

PERHAPS???? Gee, Sheev, YOU THINK? Anakin, of course, is like HA HA NOPE no worries, I am so over that guy, he sucks and is whatever to me. He wraps up this call by saying Obi-Wan means nothing to him, which is the biggest lie this man has told since that time he told Padme he didn’t want to hear about Obi-Wan anymore. Anakin, just stop it. No one is buying it.

He hangs up, and goes back to doing what he usually does at this place: absolutely nothing except staring.

I’ll Remember The Love That You Gave Me, Now That I’m Standing On My Own

We leave Vader in the trash where he belongs, and we head on back to Alderaan, where a certain little lady is getting ready for the day:

The gloves THE GLOVES. AHHH. There’s our princess:

She’s even got BABY JEDI BOOTS I CAN’T DEAL. Breha takes in the sight of this and is like “…is that a HOLSTER?!”

I am REALLY hoping we get a lot more Organa Content in the coming years. I love them so, so much.

Leia smiles and it’s deeply precious, and then she and Breha head out to meet Bail. Leia shows off her new look to her dad:

She says if she’s gonna do this whole Princess Thing, she’s going to want to shake things up a bit. Bail loves her so much and he is such a good guy:

YES LET’S, BAIL. Power to the people! Democracy forever! Death to fascists! He’s the best.

She smiles at him and then asks: so who are we waiting to see today? More bratty cousins?

I’ll Remember The Way That You Saved Me

Turns out it is someone WAY better than that punk kid from earlier. WAY, WAY BETTER. Leia gets a glimpse and makes a face that should really be in the dictionary next to the word “hearteyes”:

I have never related to a facial expression MORE. Same girl, same.

Her mystery guest is, of course, Obi-Wan! And he’s brought a friend!

He is too handsome.

I’m feeling super normal about this! And the thing that happens right after it!

Our Hug Count went from zero over the last 40+ years to 3 in the last 2 episodes! AHHH. A Bail Hug! Looks like another good one, too.

Bail says that they can never repay him for his help, and Obi-Wan, looking back at Leia, murders me:

Bail says he’s worried for Leia’s future: the Empire is getting stronger, and bolder. Ugh. Fucking Nazis. Obi-Wan nods in acknowledgement, and tells Bail that if they ever need him again, they know where to find him. Bail says he hopes that day never comes, which, well, shit.

Obi-Wan heads back over to Leia, and just LOOK HOW HAPPY SHE MAKES HIM:

Leia asks him what he’s going to do now, and Obi-Wan says he doesn’t know: what does she think he should do?

YES, writers, I GET IT: you wrote this show for me. THANK YOU.

This DELIGHTS Obi-Wan, and me:

Leia Organa: she gave Obi-Wan hugs, laughs, and a reason to live AND then she ALSO killed a bunch of fascists. A hero and icon for all time.

Out of Focus, But The Outline Still Remains

He then kneels down to her eye level, and turns serious: she was right, before, when she said that Obi-Wan knew her birth parents. He tells her:

…”discerning, kindhearted.”

😭 My gosh. He goes on: Leia is also “passionate, and fearless, forthright.”

I like how two of the last things Anakin did were set Obi-Wan on fire, then try to bury him alive, and the first word that came to mind for Obes here was “passionate”. I mean, that sure is ONE way to put it.

He says, with SUCH love in his voice, that they were both exceptional people, who had an exceptional daughter. He adds, sadly, that he wishes he could tell her more. Leia smiles, looking over at Bail and Breha, and lets her Obi-Wan know she’s all good here:

She thanks him, and asks if she’ll ever see him again. He says, maybe…

She falls into his arms for Hug #4, and says goodbye to him. He loves his little princess.

She runs back to her parents and turns around, looking at Obi-Wan as if to reassure him further that it’s OK; she’s OK. At least one of us is, Leia.

And I Was Thinking About How Everyone Was Dying, And Maybe It’s Time To Live

Obi-Wan packs up his Depression Cave, and gets ready to leave Despairsville behind for good:

He heads to the Lars Homestead once more, and tells Owen that he’ll keep his distance from now on, and leave Luke in Owen and Beru’s capable hands.

He asks him to take good care of Luke, and makes to leave. Owen stares in thought for a moment, then comes to a decision:

And of course the answer can only be “yes”. Obi-Wan, TAKING THE TOY SPACESHIP he tried to give Luke earlier, gets to meet Baby Luke for the first time in a long time.

I love that Luke has not met him yet but seems THRILLED to be meeting him. The Skywalkers and I understand each other.

Obi-Wan rides off into the desert, and slowly but surely someone FINALLY SHOWS THE FUCK UP:

OH SURE, QUI-GON. Now that Obes has nothing to do but hang out in his hut and pet banthas, you find a way to pencil him in. He tells Obi-Wan that he’s always been with him, but Obi-Wan wasn’t ready to see him yet. Sounds fake but OK, Jinn. Sure.

He tells Obi-Wan to get a move on: they’ve got a ways to go, presumably to go househunting for Obi-Wan. I mean I HOPE the man isn’t just trading one cave for another.

Obi-Wan is happy, so I am too.

And so with that, they’re off, and this show is OVER! I’m going to miss it so much but will also be rewatching it approximately 5000 times in the future. MY BOY IS HAPPY AGAIN. This show means so much to me. I don’t know that I’d ever want MORE, because this was such a beautiful, satisfying story, but I guess at this point in my Star Wars fandom, and given that this show is real and amazing, I know to never say never.

Thank you for joining me for this extremely long recap! I hope you had fun. I look forward to sharing more from the Star Wars Universe with all of you in the future, for whatever Recurring Themes await us. See you then!

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Recurring Themes and More

Ahsoka Tano Anakin Is The Worst Employee I Swear to God Anakin Loves Ahsoka Anakin Loves Obi-Wan Anakin Loves Padme Anakin Loves Palpatine Anakin Skywalker - Human Lightning Rod Anakin Skywalker and His Life of Bad Choices Asajj Ventress Bad Ideas of the Jedi Bail Loves Obi-Wan Bail Organa Beru Whitesun Bo-Katan Kryze Boba Fett Bounty Hunters Cad Bane Carnelion IV Chewbacca Count Dooku Crappy Destiny Crystal Quest Dagobah Darksaber Dark Side Foreshadow Darth Sidious Darth Sidious Makes a Guest Appearance as Himself Darth Vader Darth Vader Screws Himself Over Electrocution Enough of That Old Trauma Let's Start Experiencing Some New Trauma Faked Death Force Vision Quest General Grievous Geonosis Han Loves Leia Han Solo Holocrons with the Jedi Order's Famous Chili Recipe Hondo Ohnaka I'm More Powerful Than All of You I'm No Jedi I'm Suing This Show For Pain and Suffering I Am a Jedi Jabba the Hutt Jedi Kids Kolara Leia Organa Luke Loves Obi-Wan Luke Skywalker Luke Skywalker's Neverending Personal Destiny Quests Mace Windu Mandalore Martini Drinking Maul More Bummers Brought to You By Anakin Skywalker Mother Pran Mustafar My Ridiculously Circuitous Plan is One-Quarter Complete No One Can See Me With My Hood On Obi-Wan's Life is the Worst Obi-Wan and Anakin Need Marriage Counseling Obi-Wan Brings People Together Obi-Wan Earns That Paycheck Obi-Wan Loves Anakin Obi-Wan Loves Luke Obi-Wan McSassypants and the Angry One Oblivious to the Obvious One More Thing For Obi-Wan To Discuss with His Therapist Ostentaciousness Is Our Speciality Owen Lars Padme Amidala Padme Loves Anakin Palpatine Strikes Again Pre Vizsla Qui-Gon Jinn Revenge of Revenge of the Sith Rex Ridiculous Complexity Sana Starros Satine Kryze Savage Oppress Secret History Reveal Sithtacular Sithtacular Tarkin Tatooine The Beginning of the End Again The Dark Side Stole My Boyfriend The Dark Times The Death Watch Is Not A Shitty Band The Jedi Council's Greatest Hits The Unbearable Sadness of Obi-Wan This Show Is Insane Tragic Backstory Tuskens Undercover Why Are You Doing This To Me Filoni Haven't I Suffered Enough Why Knock When You Can Just Badass Your Way In Wistful Sunset Gazing Yoda You Can Kill Pretty Much Anyone Except Maul

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Star Wars #9: Last Requests

The Jedi Order left some parting demands for the Skywalker clan; Luke says the funniest thing about his family that anyone in this series ever has.

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