Ahsoka, Season 1, Episode 5, Part I: Shadow Warrior
I am here! Hello hello, Star Wars friends, enemies who are begrudgingly still into me in the style of Darth Maul, confused people who were searching for shirtless pictures of Anakin and ended up here, and all points in between.
Yes, it was a long hiatus, but I always knew that I would be back. I love Star Wars, and I love Snark Wars.
SO! What is on the docket TODAY after lo these many many days? Well, look: after the absolute pinnacle of my recapping career that was 4.5 Hours of Obi-Wan Crying: The Definitive Series, I need to kind of…work my way back into things. And to be frank? Star Wars has just not been as funny as it usually is to me lately — a thing that bugs me sometimes about the post-buyout era, and it truly is just A Thing that I cannot put my finger on. I’m not even sure how I would tell someone HOW to achieve that right mix. If it’s too serious, it becomes boring and too heavy and just like a zillion other juvenile shows masquerading as being “for grown ups” to make its audience feel more highbrow. If it’s not serious at all, you don’t care about the characters and it starts to feel wrong and overly childish, because at a minimum at all times the CHARACTERS must think they’re in a Very Serious Dramatic Story. And furthermore, Lucasfilm, I’m just gonna say it: I am too old to learn this many new characters. Oh my GOD. Do what you must, I guess, but if you’re going to throw 8 million new people at me approximately every 6 months, at LEAST promise to keep giving me — as you have been — cameos from the people I know once in a while (fan service? Yes. Yes it is. I am a fan; it is for me. I am old. Get off my lawn and tell me if Obi-Wan is in whatever it is.)
And that train of thought is what brings me to today’s episode, because the main character of this series is someone I already care and have written at great length about, and the other is – as far as both he and I are concerned – the main character of the entire FRANCHISE, and I could not possibly love him more unless he was Obi-Wan Kenobi (which he is not and he is definitely not jealous of him or ANYTHING).
That’s right: our girl Ahsoka’s got herself a show, and of course as of press time, no, we still have no clear proof that she will ever die in canon. She’s gonna best Maul for longest time holding the title of Person Who Really Should Probably Be Dead But Somehow Isn’t* at this rate, which, given her roots in The Clone Wars – a movie and series that I still have a hard time believing was real sometimes despite having recapped a million episodes of it – sounds about right.
(*Not to be confused with Person Who Really Probably WISHES They Were Dead But Isn’t.)
Recurring Theme: Who The Hell Even Knows
As we move into the episode, we’re given a quick summary of what’s happened so far, and to be perfectly honest, all of it is bananas and I have no idea what casuals make of Star Wars at this point because I literally have written hundred of thousands of words covering it and have for over 8 years now and I STILL DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON. I don’t think anyone at Lucasfilm does anymore, either, though, so I guess it’s not a big deal. We’ll all just float from one explosion and one superweapon to another together.
Essentially what you need to know is that this whole thing goes down after the events of Star Wars: Rebels, a wonderful and incredibly goofy series whose ending I never got around to covering, but some main takeaways for this point in the timeline are that:
- Ahsoka is not dead because of that time they broke the space-time continuum for her (and because we all know nothing is funnier than Anakin thinking he maybe killed someone but he isn’t 1000% sure because they just flat-out disappeared);
- The Empire has fallen and Luke “saved the day” (*cough*);
- Anakin finally IS dead which means that he’s probably already fighting with Obi-Wan about the thermostat in the afterlife;
- Kanan is dead because the rule is that being a Jedi sucks and is full of sadness all the fucking time and Ezra wasn’t getting off that easy;
- Ezra ended up riding some space whales into an alternate dimension with Grand Admiral Thrawn. Yes, really;
- Aaaaand Sabine, Hera, Ahsoka (who will end up dressed like late-era Gandalf now because Dave Filoni is a huge, HUGE nerd just in case we forgot), and a kid Hera got knocked up with before Kanan died are their same old weirdo family, and Sabine and Ahsoka are gonna fight some Vague Darksiders Whose Story I Honestly Felt Like I Kept Getting Further Away From But Damn It I’ll Try, and look for Ezra in Whaleland. And look for Thrawn, and the pipe organ he drags around with him for his theme music, I guess.
- Sabine has been doing Jedi training? I guess? Why does the universe keep trying to make new Mandalorian Jedi???? WHAT GOOD COULD THIS DO???? Like, as if this garbage fire universe needs MORE unstable hothead clans of warrior people with lightsabers running around. The last time the Jedi recruited one of these dudes he made the Darksaber, which then ultimately ended up causing YET ANOTHER PERSON to die in Obi-Wan’s arms, for one thing. Okey dokey, Star Wars. What could go wrong?
Ahsoka, as you might imagine given that her life has preeeeeetty much been a ceaseless nightmare ever since Anakin came into her life at age 13 (which incidentally also puts her in the running for the Star Wars Person Whose Life Had the Largest Percentage of It Ruined By Anakin Skywalker Award, bested only possibly by the Skytwins), has some Unresolved Drama with him to deal with. And, just like her sad bearded dad back in the Obi-Wan series, the only way around it is through it. Sorry girl! He’s like this! It’s very tiresome, I am sure!
So it is with this that, by this fifth episode, we find Ahsoka and Sabine (and Huyang, the delightful Lightsaber Shop Class Robot Teacher from that Clone Wars arc where they make us all meet and become attached to a bunch of Jedi children knowing full well they’ll all be murdered in like, 2 years. The fun truly never ends for us all) having recently journeyed out into space on a road trip. And, just a quick reminder from an earlier episode in case you’re really feeling lost: never fear. All is as it is, was, and ever shall be for our heroes:
Well, good. So I guess there really ISN’T much to get y’all caught up on after all.
Recurring Theme: Road Trip to Hell
Yes, the gals had gotten themselves a good old-fashioned Star Wars Road Trip to Unknown Evil, because Ahsoka thought she knew how to find Ezra, and of course our Darksiders this go-round involve a Fallen Jedi AGAIN and someone who is literally a space witch from that zombie planet AGAIN and seriously, people: I love you all, but I just got back here and I am too tired to touch Dathomir on top of everything else right now. Just know that one time in Ye Olde EU Han Solo won the planet in a sabacc game. That is literally the only thing I feel you need to know, not because it is at all relevant here but because I still find it incredibly funny.
So anyways, Baylan, our Bad Guy of the Moment, and Ahsoka had ended up in a lightsaber battle where he taunted her by telling her that her Master’s legacy was one of death and destruction, which…I mean. I’m not gonna argue with him there, but given that ONCE AGAIN he’s turned this into “…and that’s why everyone should die”, BECAUSE SOMEHOW THIS KEEPS BEING THE CONCLUSION EVERYONE KEEPS DRAWING, I can’t entirely cosign this.
Ahsoka had fallen off a cliff, which meant Sabine got to yell out the Legally-Required “Noooo!”, AND because we were apparently in the midst of a Recycled Dialogue Speedrun and/or Dave fell asleep at his keyboard and was behind on his deadlines and just started typing random shit, Baylan THEN told Sabine that she should join him! It’ll be fun, evil times, AND he can take her to Ezra!
LOL. I love that by this point in the franchise even the BAD GUYS seem like they’re only gonna give some of this 60, maybe 70 percent. Do it. Do it? Or don’t. Or whatever. Nevertheless, she took him up on it.
Recurring Theme: Anakin Skywalker, Really Bad Father
This…? Had unsurprisingly not worked out super well, and the episode had culminated in the Bad Guys doing a sort of Superjump into Hyperspace, Baby Kanan Jr being like “I’m having a Force attack of Bad Vibes, Mom”, Hera looking Understandably Concerned about this, and our girl Ahsoka, coming to in a pool of shallow water, with a familiar greeting aimed at her:
I shouldn’t laugh. I know this is meant to be touching and heartwarming and give me all the Space Family Feelings and it DOES, but also. I just. SNIPS?? SNIPS??? This bastard has got SOME FUCKING NERVE. Died with ZERO APOLOGIES FOR ANYTHING, got yanked right into Space Nirvana because Obi-Wan is HOPELESS, and NOW shows up about 8000 years later than needed to be like “oh heeeey girl”. I guess Qui-Gon’s Unhelpful Asshole Legacy of showing up an hour late in his pajamas all “oh? Did you like, want my help with something? Uhhh I totally would have gotten here earlier but The Force works in mysterious ways yeah that’s it” lives on in Anakin.
I Just Can’t Imagine That You’ve Ever Been Gone; It’s Not Starting Over, It’s Just Going On
So, we’re back in the World Between Worlds, one of the funniest and laziest things Star Wars has done in the last decade. Originally busted out in Star Wars: Rebels to keep Ahsoka from dying after fighting Vader in an evil pyramid after they all got lured there by Undead Maul who was just trying to get Ezra to help him find Obi-Wan (God I love Star Wars), we find ourselves dropped off here once more.
LOL OK. I think my favorite bit here is that Ahsoka looks like she’s being stalked in a horror film. She stands there looking very nervous indeed, and the voice says:
Yeah, what even IS time, really, amirite Anakin? Is this an attempt to IMMEDIATELY head off the “where the FUCK have you been DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY OUTSTANDING PARKING TICKETS YOU LEFT BEHIND THAT I KEPT GETTING LETTERS AND VOICEMAILS ABOUT??” conversation?
Recurring Theme: The Unpaid Utility Bills of the Jedi Order
I know you were all extremely concerned about the current status of the lighting within the GFFA at large, and specifically as it pertains to spaces largely occupied by the Jedi Order. Well. Rest assured, if there are power bills in the Great Beyond or whatever the fuck this place is, they ain’t paying ’em here anymore than they did in the heyday of the Jedi.
Ahsoka turns around slooooowwwly, and yep. It’s this guy.
Every additional SECOND Hayden gets to be Anakin again gives me more Pure Prequel Fangirl Power than an OCEAN of asshole fanboy tears ever could. It gives me focus. Soon I’ll be stronger than all of you!
Ahsoka is, as we’ve established, more Zen than I, and so she seems perplexed but happy to see him. He does that goofy little half-smile he does, and it is Cute.
Also! Big thanks to my people at Lucasfilm who realized that I can sincerely NEVER have too much of this content, and therefore came through for me with Multiple Editions of Obi-Wan and Anakin and Ahsoka for these two series. Ponchos! Knight Getup! Revenge of the Sith Anakin! Padawan Anakin! Wolfman Kenobi! Baby Soka! Sad Hobo! Glow-Up Hobo! Good stuff, Star Wars. GOOD STUFF.
Recurring Theme: Hera Syndulla, Working Mom
Hera walks cautiously out of her ship and takes in the surroundings.
Jacen, aka Baby Kanan Jr, shows up behind her with Chopper and asks if they can come along with her. I’d say that the last thing Hera needs is a Force-sensitive child and the Universe’s Crankiest Robot going with her into the unknown, but this has been Hera’s life for a LOT of years at this point so if anyone is prepared, it is probably her.
Hera finds Huyang, and he is Very Sad and I am not OK with that. He looks crestfallen and tells Hera: he told them to stay together!
Hera, Jacen, and Chopper look on and we get bumped to the title card, which is not a good sign for your recapper here, because HOLY HELL I’ve already written a ton and the episode only NOW is really technically fully starting. Well, I guess I owed everyone a long recap. Aaaand also this is why this’ll be a two-parter.
Recurring Theme: Anakin Skywalker, Has a Way With Words
Back in Force Purgatory or the Holy Jedi Waiting Room or whatever, Ahsoka tells Anakin: you look the same! I laugh a wee bit because, well, CGI’ll do that for a guy (PS: I love you Hayden and you and me and everyone our age obviously have not aged a single day in the last 20 years. We are all dewy-faced Young Adults.)
Anakin replies, in his usual extremely finessed way:
SKYWALKER PLEASE. I get that Snark and Sarcasm and Banter were Your Way, but the last time this woman saw you you were attempting to murder her. MAYBE EASE INTO BEING A JACKASS AGAIN.
Ahsoka is being WAY too nice to him and laughs and is like “hey, it happens unless Lucasfilm has 5,000 hours of content of your Youthful Face and a lot of SFX nerds with time on their hands”, and then she asks Anakin what happened. He tells her that there was a fight, and she lost. When she says she doesn’t remember, he’s like “nah, trust me: you lost”, and, again: ANAKIN. Good grief.
Ahsoka is like “ohhh yeaaaaaah, that Baylan guy…” and at this, Anakin is like “oh, sweet, you remember — guess you might have a chance to live then” and OK. Look. This dude fucks off to save Palpatine and leaves Ahsoka in the middle of YET ANOTHER round of Mandalorian Idiocy, takes her other parent with him and then COMPLETELY FUCKS UP THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE and kills most of Ahsoka’s entire family AND makes Rex cry AND makes Obi-Wan cry AND ALSO THEN Obi-Wan has to go live in a CAVE AND SLEEP SOCKLESS ON A CONCRETE SLAB FOR TEN YEARS AND NO I AM STILL NOT OVER THAT THANK YOU FOR ASKING. That is what happened right after the last time she saw Anakin. THEN she finds out it was HIM THAT DID ALL THAT EVIL STUFF, AND then she sees him as Vader and he tried to kill her. It’s bad enough that he isn’t just begging for her forgiveness, but then if all you’re gonna do is tell her she looks old and speak in vague bullshit, JUST GET TO THE FUCKING POINT, DUDE. OBVIOUSLY SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON.
Recurring Theme: Luke Skywalker, Cannot Get Anyone on the Phone
Anakin smugly announces that he’s here to “finish her training”, and I am now going to laugh for 40 years. WHY DOES LUKE KEEP BEING ABUSED LIKE THIS?? So Obes dies and farms out the rest of his training to Yoda after showing up like twice as a ghost to just be sad about Anakin mostly, then Yoda dies and they’re all just like “aaaaaanyways congrats Luke uhhhh you’re definitely totally a Jedi and done training now! Because reasons! You go play beer pong with the ewoks now! Buh bye!”
THEN. THEN! Luke apparently starts a whole ass Jedi school, THEN SIDIOUS’ GHOST INFECTS LEIA’S KID’S BRAIN partially by pretending to BE DARTH VADER, Luke’s school gets torched, Kylo joins the latest iteration of Space Nazis, and Anakin AND Obi-Wan AT NO POINT SHOW UP. Not even a CARD from Space Purgatory. Anakin can’t even be assed to DM Kylo just to be like “yo dude that voice in your head is not me, that is actually just a being of inconceivable horror pranking you, he’s like that, just FYI”. Yoda shows up ONCE but only after Luke has almost died of sadness and is pretty much just like “anyways keeping on bein’ a Jedi and whatnot! I figure it’ll work out maybe! Who knows! Let’s commit arson while I’m here!”? WHAT THE FRESH HELL IS THIS? Luke should have found a way to sue the dead. I hope he is reading those assholes the absolute RIOT ACT in the Great Beyond.
OK. I digress.
Recurring Theme: Anakin Skywalker, Slowest Learner
Ahsoka is like “uh, you’re a little late for that”, and Anakin, unbearably smugly, is like “Tsk tsk my dear Very Young Padawan Whom I Am Much Older and Wiser Than Because I Made One Good Decision One Time At The Last Possible Second and Then Died Immediately and Have Been Getting My Hair Braided By Obi-Wan While Watching Reruns For The Last Several Years”, lobs this out there:
Well then I guess there’s still hope for you, Skywalker!
I am dying that Ahsoka is SO OKAY WITH ALL OF THIS. No “what is any of this insanity”, no “the fuck were you thinking not using birth control”, no “you made Rex cry btw”, no “where did you put my Discman before you went on that Murder Spree”…just. OK, sure. What’s the lesson, Master?
As an aside, if Ahsoka keeps up her training, can she outrank Anakin? I mean I have to believe that bullshit promotion to Master he weaseled his way into by colluding with Space Satan three days before mowing everyone down didn’t stick. I feel like Mace would have some thoughts about that.
ANYWAYS. So he very very dramatically proclaims that the lesson is “Live…”
So, “Battle to the Death” is the lesson AGAIN? Is this an officially sanctioned Jedi Teaching? Anakin, does Obi-Wan know you’re here or are you going rogue again? WE’VE DISCUSSED THIS. THE ANSWER IS NOT ALWAYS “LIFE-THREATENING BEATING.”
Recurring Theme: Anakin Skywalker, Not NOT Into Murder
Ahsoka gets this look of “oh this shit again” and tells him she won’t fight him and he’s like “I’ve heard THAT before” and this guy. Is just… OK, fine, Anakin. Sure. It’s adorable that this is something multiple children of yours have had to say to you.
Of course this is all an excuse to see some more Fancy Footwork in live action:
So these two start wailing on each other again.
Recurring Theme: A Child Has Shown Us The Way
Meanwhile Hera and Huyang are trying to figure out if Sabine and/or Ahsoka were on the Bad Guy Ship that hauled ass out of town, and Huyang grimly notes that the map to wherever they were going is destroyed, so if they were on that ship, they’re Gone.
I have a long and very complicated history of being very bitchy about the Maps of the Sequel Trilogy, primarily because they are Very Stupid and not necessarily in a Funny Star Wars Way. So. This whole “omg there’s Only One Treasure Map but then also maybe there ISN’T but also maybe one piece is missing” etc etc etc stuff is. Annoying. To me.
Gah! No salt! It’s not the Snark Wars Way! (Or, at least, we keep it Low Sodium here.) Behold: Sweetener! Lil Baby Jacen tells Hera he can feel something out in the water. Hera is unconvinced, but he insists:
He asks Hera to listen, and she’s like “what? The waves??” and he’s like no! The LIGHTSABERS! For God’s sake no wonder the Jedi Order needed to collect these children and care for them. Regular People of the Universe are gonna FREAK THE FUCK OUT when they’re expected to care for a child who’s starting fires with their mind and telling them they can hear lightsaber battles currently taking place between their auntie and a dead guy in a gap in the universe.
Huyang helps out viewers by providing the exposition that Jacen’s dad was a Jedi and Hera is like “OK I’m on board, seems legit, let’s check the ocean for crazy people!”
Recurring Theme: Family Reunion Ends In Combat
Snips and Skyguy are continuing their whoosh-swish-whoosh routine and Hayden is officially having WAY too much fun with it and I love that for him. Ahsoka gets a good one in on him and he makes this >:o face before immediately being like “nah I’m just joshin’ ya, I’m not evil anymore probably”:
Oh, for fun! Who even REMEMBERS all that homicide? Ahsoka tosses this out there and I cackle:
Recurring Theme: Personal Destiny Quest
Anakin smirks, declares that he hasn’t taught her everything yet, and cuts the floor out from under her. She tumbles down into an abyss — because yes, EVEN THE AFTERLIFE HAS NO RAILINGS over large expanses of space here in the GFFA — and thus begins Phase II of Anakin’s “Let’s Put All THAT Behind Us” Lesson. And what better way to get over your crushing trauma than to walk right into a recreation of part of it? That’s right: it’s flashback time once again!
*sings* The Cloooooone Waaaaaarsss! A fun and joyous tiiiiiime for one and all! With brain worms and brain chips and zombies and Undeaaaaad Daaaaaaarthhh Maaaaaauuuulll! Fond memorieeeeees…of taxes and corporate greeeeeeeeeed and baaaaaaaanking! Spaaaaace Miiiining! Godziiillaaaaaaa was there for some reeeeeason! That tiiiiiime — ohhh, the tiiiime — when those idiots got drunk at a piiiiiirate haaaaaall…or the time Anakin skipped work to go annoy the fuuuuuuuuck out of Paaaaaadme at her joooobbb…and the time Artoo took a spaaaaaaa daaaayyy…The Cloooooooone Waaaaaars….The Cloooone Waaaars…what a tiiiiiiiime! *light jazz piano* Thank you, thank you. That’s gonna take us right into my next break, but please join me for more Lounge Hits of George Lucas’ Insane Cartoon Show, coming back right at the top of the next hour. Make sure to tip your waiter.
…I have absolutely no excuse for that paragraph above other than that I am completely ridiculous and Star Wars has rotted out whatever was left of my brain. Aren’t you all so glad I came back to write a recap again? You’re welcome.
OK! Yes! We are back in the Clone Wars. Ahsoka comes to as some clones rush around her, and aww! She’s wee again! And Anakin is still handsome AND IN THE LITTLE KNIGHT OUTFIT WITH THE SWOOSHY SKIRT. I feel loved. Presenting: him!!
You know what, Lucasfilm? You don’t even need to spend all this money on stories and sets and whatnot. Can you just put the boys in new outfits every year or so?
Ahsoka squeaks: This is The Clone Wars! *sings* The Cloooooo— no no, I am sorry, I’m sorry. Ahem. Yes. Anakin turns around and smiles and is like “Sure is!” Anakin, I know this is just a dream sequence or whatever but PLEASE try not to be SO excited about being in a war zone all the time. It’s…unsettling. Especially when it’s coming from YOU.
Recurring Theme: Unhelpful Advice From a Dead Guy
Baby Soka is confused:
Oh sure, so she’ll calmly accept dueling with Anakin’s ghost in an endless void between life and death, but she draws the line at flashbacks? OK, girl.
Anakin unhelpfully like is like “you tell me”, and she says she doesn’t understand, and he’s like “too bad, Tano, this ain’t A Christmas Carol; it’s not MY job to tell you why we’re in this Ghost of Star Wars Past Segment”:
What is WITH the dead in this franchise.
He tells her to keep up: this IS her training! They tear across a battlefield while everyone screams. Yep. That does sounds like an Anakin Skywalker lesson.
There’s a lull in the battle, and Ahsoka finds herself comforting a mortally wounded clone and crying. Anakin is standing nearby pretending to be a grown-up:
Anakin is like “c’mon Snips, let’s shuffle off”, and she frets: they lost so many! And she feels responsible! Anakin walks over and puts his arm around her and walks her away and tells her that this is the reality of war. Oh SURE, someone sure seems at peace with Life and Death for Democracy NOW, hmm??? GET BACK TO ME ON THIS ANAKIN.
I need to tell you all that the Star Wars Hair Wranglers need lifetime achievement awards or something. His hair looks FABULOUS. The curls. THE CURLS! Shaggy growing-out Clone Wars Haaaaaaair! Be still my heart.
She’s like “but when we screw up people can die! Doesn’t that bother you??” LOL. Ahsoka must not have known him that well yet. Absolutely EVERYTHING bothers Anakin. Just ask him about what’ll happen if Obi-Wan dies. I dare you.
Ahsoka retorts that being a child soldier wasn’t in the fucking brochure, and he’s like “yep, shit sucks sometimes”:
I mean, he makes it sound like they used to just sit around and crochet and do crosswords back then. ANAKIN I HAVE SEEN THE COMICS FROM YOUR YOUTH. Explosions. Street fights. Dramatically jumping out of things. I mean, the first time you went ANYWHERE with Obi-Wan someone got killed by an Ancient Evil, and you were NINE and had been a Jedi Trainee for about 45 minutes.
Recurring Theme: The Kenobi-Skywalkers, Kind of an Ordeal Sometimes
Ahsoka asks, sadly, if all she’ll have to teach her padawan is how to fight. Anakin asks her if she even wants a Padawan, which is hilarious because pretty much NO ONE IN STAR WARS who isn’t evil has even CHOSEN to have a Padawan in the last long while, and even the evil guys seem to basically hate each other anyways. He teases her and says that teaching isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You’ve been teaching this girl for what, 6 months now Skywalker? OK.
Ahsoka is PISSED: he replies that omg he’s JOKING, a reply that every woman loves to hear when a smug man in a position of authority makes them feel bad at a difficult time or about a difficult topic. She is angry: he’s joking at a time like this??!
I know, Anakin, I hear from the elderly that everyone’s always getting cancelled these days for joking.
Anyways, sorry Ahsoka, your new parents are…kind of jackasses like this. Prepare yourself for endless really stupid puns and also Obi-Wan showing every single bad guy in the galaxy how he can tie a knot in a cherry stem with his tongue in order to distract them.
Anakin gets huffy: you want him to be more serious?? Ahsoka is like YEAH ACTUALLY I WOULD. Anakin retorts that he’s just trying to teach her how to fight and survive. Ahsoka wonders what happens if she decides she doesn’t want to fight? THEMATIC CALLBACK INCOMING:
Yeah. But, y’know, maybe don’t become the very thing you swore to destroy and all. It’s a, uh, balance. Or so I hear.
She watches Anakin walk away into the ongoing skirmish, and a brief flash shows him as Vader. That’s right, Ahsoka! We all gotta fight! For our right! To Demoooooooooooocracy! But don’t become a being of bottomless hatred. And for the love of all that is holy, when in doubt take naps and listen to Obi-Wan.
Recurring Theme: That Impossible Thing Only Happened a Couple of Times
Back on the Ghost, Hera is losing confidence in their rescue plans:
She lets it slip that this whole mission was kiiiiinda not exactly approved, and laments what this says about her as a General. NOW, I need to point out that one of the Senators involved in this plotline earlier was LEIA, and I feel like she has got SOME BALLS if she is going to be like “oh I don’t know about this insane mission involving multiple Jedi! Sounds risky!” Like, SORRY they didn’t also bring a Wookie and a pirate AND and a way shittier ship, your highness.
Huyang tells her that Hera does things the way the way she does because she cares; and that’s why people like her. Hera seems deeply and genuinely touched MY GOD PEOPLE HAVE SO MANY MOMENTS WITH ROBOTS IN STAR WARS, and she asks: where are they, Huyang? People don’t just disappear into thin air…?!
Yep, that only happens when you are REALLY trying to confuse the hell out of Anakin, as you peace out into the void, in a spectacular final act of showmanship.
She asks him if he thinks there’s any chance they’re OK, and he replies:
Hera smirks and acknowledges that Ahsoka is “tenacious”, and Huyang says “so was her Master”. Aww. Aww? AWW! Snips and Skyguy 4-EVER!!!!!! They need a secret handshake and some friendship bracelets STAT. Just IMAGINE how many times they drew penises on Obi-Wan’s face while he slept.
Hera is like “oh yeah? What was that guy like?” Huyang takes a HUGE PAUSE to allow me to finish laughing and then says…
Yeah, he was a handful, our Anakin! Always getting into something, be it podracers or soap operas or fascism or trying to raise the dead! Hera looks like she wants to ask a follow-up here, but they’re cut off by Jacen calling for his mom.
…and with that, there’ll be no more Anakin Feelings for this outing, because we are DONE for today! Join me for part 2 of this episode, wherein Anakin might finally get to a point, and the gals will be back in business. Thank you for joining me for this looooooong-overdue recap, and thank you all so very, very sincerely for all of your kind words, endorsements, and encouragement with the site over the last 8 years. It means so very much to me. Like, not as much as anything matters to Anakin, but like, a lot.
I will see you all here next time! xoxo
