The Jedi Order has its worst day in a long time; Darth Vader arrives on the scene; Obi-Wan escapes death but will maybe wish he hadn’t.
Maul gets himself a brand-new pair of legs; Obi-Wan doesn’t even seem especially surprised that his life sucks this much anymore.
Luke’s not feeling very Jedi; Vader gets a heaping helping of sand.
Anakin complains a lot; Sidious pulls off his barely-there disguise; Grievous meets his fate.
Ahsoka takes after Anakin, much to Anakin’s irritation (and Obi-Wan’s delight); Tarkin is an asshole pretty much right out of the gate.
Anakin gets some Big News and has his first, but not last, temper tantrum of this film; Obi-Wan is an embarrassed dad with a Bad Feeling About This.
Obi-Wan and Anakin are the Handsome Heroes we all deserve; Sheev is a gloriously wicked villain; I love this movie so much.
Luke is driven by genetics to long for a life free of sand; things, as usual, go better when a Skywalker and a Kenobi work together.
Come for the well wishes from your author, stay for Obi-Wan leading the gang in a Chrismas carol singalong.
Darth Vader might be on to something about that Luke Skywalker guy; Sidious and Vader have a terrible marriage.