Obi-Wan and Anakin #5: His Fate Will Be The Same As Mine

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Obi-Wan and Anakin #5 (Issue 5 of 5. To start with the first issue, go here.)

We’re finally at the end of this particular comic journey, friends! I hadn’t read this one in a little while when I sat down to write this up, and I had forgotten how much of pretty much all of my favorite things ever are in this installment.

You’ll recall that when we last left our boys, Obi-Wan had discovered an old woman, Sera, on Carnelion IV — a woman whose life’s work was trying to remind the war-torn planet of the beauty and culture they once had before they let themselves be consumed by violence. She had put out a distress signal asking the Jedi for help, because old footage she’d found of a lightsaber-wielding warrior had her convinced that the Jedi could show up and kick some ass and force everyone to stop fighting.

While this was happening, Anakin found himself being tied up and held hostage back at the base camp of the “Open”, one of the warring factions. As we wrapped things up, it looked like both the Open and the Closed were headed for a confrontation at Sera’s house. Oh, and also in a flashback, Anakin and Palpatine had a chat in Palps’ office where he was like “hey kid if you ever get tired of the Jedi ruining your life, look me up”, and Anakin told Obi-Wan he wanted to leave the Jedi Order. So. Yeah.

Anakin Skywalker, Future General

At the Open’s base camp, the young people are left behind to watch over Anakin while the adults head off to fight the Closed. Kolara and the others recognize together that they’re also all going to try to kill Sera the Scavenger, and Kolara is Not OK with this.

Anakin is like AHEM CHILD HOSTAGE OVER HERE:

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Kolara apologizes to Anakin for having kidnapped him. Anakin, annoyed, asks a few more questions of the group, and the truth comes out: all the Hip Kids of the Open have been hoarding the art and treasures Sera’s been sending out in the kites for years. They all appreciate her work and think the art is beautiful. Anakin is like A-HA: that’s why the adults all want Sera dead! They know that the art is a distraction: something that will make the Youth of Carnelion IV wish for a better tomorrow and maybe stop trying to kill each other!

He’s like “OK let’s get down to brass tacks: you want to save the scavenger, and I obviously want to rescue my personal superhero, Obi-Wan. So let’s work together. I know how to build stuff and if you let me out, I will make something we can use to go save them.”

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You’re Speaking My Language

Back at Sera’s warehouse o’ crap, Sera is asking Obi-Wan to fix something for her, and then he prods a little bit more about that message she sent to the Jedi in the first place:

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OK: what the hell does this mean? The Jedi have a for-real hilarious Secret Code or something? “Learn to speak as the Jedi do”? What the actual fuck? I mean, aside from speaking like pompous dweebs who are annoyed all the time, I can’t really think of a time they spoke in some specifically Jedi-ish way. I’m sure this is referring to some Ancient Jedi Code Language or something from Ye Olde Republic of Yore, though, which delights me because of course it does because we all know I live for this crap.

Recurring Theme: Separation of Arm and Owner

Sera’s like “Oh! I learned stuff about the Jedi from some old footage I found! It’s all faded and colorless now, but here’s a clip of a Jedi slicing someone’s arm off!”

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OK: so obviously, the story here is that the person in this clip is not, in fact, a Jedi. Can I please tell you all that I am DYING that the clip this woman has of a Sith involves this Sith CUTTING OFF SOMEONE’S ARM?! LOL. Oh my God. THERE IS SO MUCH LIMB REMOVAL IN STAR WARS. Always.

Obi-Wan is like “…uh oh. Um. OK, can I ask — when this clip had color before, do you remember what color the lightsaber was?”
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Obi-Wan is like “yeah what you’ve got there is not a Jedi, because HA HA HA WE NEVER CUT OFF ANYONE’S LIMBS EXCEPT FOR ALL THOSE TIMES THAT I DO IT but I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi and I’m a special case and anyways everyone get off my back look how pretty I am.”

Just as he’s about to fully explain this all to her, the Closed show up in noisy fashion and Sera and Obi-Wan scramble to get to safety.

Look At This Dramatic Asshole

Sera is like well that’s just GREAT — come on, JEDI, go kill those guys! Obi-Wan’s like “yeah see that is the problem, lady: the thing about the Jedi is that whenever possible…”

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…I mean, except for all those times, of course. So Obi-Wan flies down to confront their attackers and just…LOOK at this guy. This comic is laying to rest ANY remaining doubts I had about where Anakin picked up his Extra. Like, we can laugh at Anakin and his smoke-machine-evil-guy entrances in the Original Trilogy and his constant over-the-top pronouncements and make jokes about how he probably yelled about sand a lot, but like…LOOK AT HIS SPACE DAD, OK? When you are zooming around the Galaxy for years with Obi-Wan “Let’s Go Swing From This Chandelier Because My Hair Will Swoosh Better This Way” Kenobi, what the hell chance do you stand of presenting yourself as a normal person?

Anyways Obi-Wan confronts the Closed, and is like “hey dude I’m a Jedi, I don’t go here, everyone chill out!” One of the guys is like “I swear to God, if Grecker’s dead…” which is Grecker’s cue to show up, apparently alive. OK, sure. So Grecker’s like GET HIM GUYS:

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I just included this for the hair. 

Eventually Obi-Wan takes off and the bad guys are in hot pursuit, and just then there’s an explosion and oh HEY, the Open are here with their gigantic kill-bots. Great.

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Obi-Wan, noticing that Mother Pran is here is like WHERE IS MY SON DAMN IT?!

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She stares him down and takes aim at him with an enormous gun, fires, and…

So Which Time Was This?

…Anakin comes wooshing in on some kind of thing he built apparently! That business on Cato Neimoidia might not count, but I think this one should. Awww. OK, I’m sorry but look at this:
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Well, Anakin’s face has pretty much killed me dead, so, farewell everyone. Look how pleased he is with himself and also look how happy he is to see Obi-Wan. I know I’ve never mentioned this before but I love these two and I will defend their characterizations in the PT Era of Star Wars with my life.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, On To Something Here

Anakin tells him that he’s brought all the Open Kids with him, and Kolara at this very moment is meeting Sera for the first time. Anakin then says the most factually inaccurate thing ever:

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The SIZE OF THEIR ROBES OMFG

Really, Kenobi? You’re just NOW beginning to have your doubts? OK. Big talk from the guy whose first spoken words in canon, currently, were “I have a bad feeling about this.”

Kolara’s asking Sera why she’s been sending up the kites. Sera is all “I did it to try and reach you kids. But now my life’s work is pointless because this STUPID JEDI won’t just kill everyone here except for the young people for me.”

Anakin is perplexed: the hell is this lady talking about and why does she even think we would kill people for her I’d never kill anyone for any reason at all whatsoever I’m Anakin Skywalker!
z11The boys start walking away, as Sera tells Kolara grimly that she hopes the adults will all just kill each other. Wow.

Obi-Wan and Anakin have sneaked off to some place — inside Sera’s house? I don’t know, whatever, it doesn’t matter. The point is that wherever they are, Anakin’s found an old communications unit and he thinks he can fix it! Obi-Wan’s like QUIT YAPPING AND GET TO IT THEN!

Sticking It To The Man

Kolara and the other young people are now filled with some kind of Planet Pride or something, and so they all decide to get into the battle taking place. Sera pleads with them not to get involved:

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Kolara’s like “NO! Let’s do it guys! FOR CARNELION IV!” and they take off as Sera yells at them.

At the same time that this is happening, Obi-Wan tells Anakin he’s going to use the comm unit Anakin just fixed to send a message off-world. Anakin’s like “What are ya gonna DO, Master?” Obi-Wan’s reply?
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Obi-Wan Kenobi, You Goddamn Crafty Bastard

So the battle is raging between the Open and the Closed and the Kids are getting into the mix and things are looking BAD for everyone when all of a sudden some gigantic Republic ships roll up outta the sky and a voice yells at them all to stop:
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Yes, a fleet and a whole bunch of Jedi show up and basically send everyone to Time Out. Anakin is like WHAT THE HELL how did you get the Republic over here, Obi-Wan?!! And Obi-Wan gives us like the MOST depressing answer EVER:

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So, really: these people have been slaughtering each other for decades and the Republic claimed to have no power to intervene before but now that they think that there are valuable resources here they’re gonna show up and stop the war here? WOW. Well thank goodness nothing this shady ever happens in real life, amirite everyone? Ha. Ha. Ha.

Anyways, good on Obi-Wan for playing the system. Anakin asks him if that’s true and Obi-Wan is basically like “kid you have known me for years now, do you really not know that I am the craftiest liar in the entire history of ever?”
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Obi-Wan postulates that it will take quite some time for the Republic to complete a survey of the planet, which will force all hostilities to cease until that happens. In the meantime, maybe, just maybe, the people of Carnelion IV will use this opportunity to talk things out without killing each other.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Parenting

He continues: the Republic didn’t just come because I’m Obi-Wan and everyone loves me for obvious reasons. They came because I Am a Jedi and we’re held in high esteem (despite the fact that this whole situation is SHADY AS HELL, Kenobi, OK) and it’s not just about one person…
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Recurring Theme: The Unbearable Sadness of Obi-Wan

We flash back now to sometime shortly after Anakin’s breakup attempt with the Jedi Order but before this whole crazy mission started. Yoda and Obi-Wan are having a conversation, at sunset, in front of a giant window because every single Meaningful Conversation in the Jedi Temple ever has occurred in front of one.

This conversation is like ten flavors of sad and sweet. Obi-Wan is crushed: Anakin’s just a tiny baby bird and he’ll never make it on his own out of the nest and I’m such a miserable failure and OH MY GOD SOMEONE PLEASE, PLEASE HUG HIM:

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Yoda is SO NICE HERE and I know a lot of people like to dump on PT Era Yoda for being too stoic or dogmatic or whatever but I legitimately believe he really loved his kids and was trying his best in most ways, and if you credit him with nothing else ever please know right now that Yoda is the person who tells Obi-Wan THIS:

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Yep, Yoda reminds him that Obi-Wan is also young himself, and then tells him THAT SOMETHING RELATED TO ANAKIN IS NOT HIS FAULT. OH. *sniffle* I can sleep easier knowing that at least one character — and the Jedi Grand Master, no less — told him this once even if I am sure Obi-Wan never fully believed it.

He tells Obi-Wan to take Anakin on this mission to Carnelion IV with him: let Anakin have some time to think things over and, if he still really wants to leave, well…we have to let him go. The Jedi don’t imprison people against their will, and if leaving is his choice, they have to respect that. I kind of wish Anakin had been there for this conversation because I think he needed to hear this information being presented this way, but either way, let the record show: Yoda AND Obi-Wan both knew/agreed that Anakin could leave the Order if he really wanted to, and HEY GUESS WHAT SKYWALKER THEY DIDN’T SAY YOU’D HAVE TO KILL THEM ALL FIRST IN ORDER TO DO IT. You’re welcome. 

Obi-Wan Kenobi, In It For The Long Haul

Obi-Wan agrees, and Yoda senses where this conversation is headed. He asks him if he really understands what it will mean if Anakin leaves: if he’s gone, you can’t train him under our authority anymore. Obi-Wan nods, and reaffirms that he will keep training him anyways even if he has to do it as an independent contractor: he won’t break his promise to Qui-Gon, and he won’t abandon his little buddy even if he is an annoying-ass tween.

[passes the tissues]

I think it’s maybe important here that Obi-Wan literally tells Yoda to his face that he’ll keep training Anakin as a Jedi immediately after Yoda tells him they don’t allow that sort of thing, and Yoda is just sort of like “yeah son, I know you will” and there’s no real threatening undertone or anything in this conversation. Obi-Wan has pretty much admitted to Yoda’s face that he’s more dedicated to Anakin than he is to the goddamned Jedi Order and Yoda’s entire reaction is pretty much “I know, pumpkin.” I don’t know what this even means for the story overall, and it’s certainly not news that the Order knew these two were attached at the hip, but wow. Still.

I Now Pronounce You Bros For Life

We’re coming into the final scene of this series, and Obi-Wan is making some big Statements about how Anakin has a choice in front of him: do you really want to go rogue, or will you stick with the Jedi and come with me and lovingly snark at each other forevermore as Handsome Hero Jedi?

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Anakin — probably dazzled into submission because honest to God if Obi-Wan was asking you this as his hair flows in the wind and probably a dramatic swell of music plays in the background, how would you even have a choice other than to agree with him? — says that he will, indeed, Commit to the Light Side, as long as he’s got his Obi-Wan by his side.

Obi-Wan hands him his lightsaber back (HOW DID HE GET THIS? Kolara threw it out the window of a flying airship! I’m guessing Obi-Wan is shown picking it up off the ground earlier and I forgot about it and I’m too lazy to go back and look so let’s just assume that’s what happened), Anakin takes it, and that’s the end of this journey. All right! So Anakin Skywalker has decided to stay a Jedi forever and I’m sure nothing bad will ever happen to Obi-Wan and Anakin ever again. THANKS A LOT, STAR WARS. REALLY.

In conclusion, I loved this series and I’d love for them to do more of these because I will never ever reject more content about these two — and again, I highly encourage you to check out the full issues for yourself if you found these recaps entertaining. Thanks for reading, friends! ‘Til next time!