Ahsoka, Season 1, Episode 5, Part II: Shadow Warrior
We now return to the fifth episode of Ahsoka’s first season, in which Star Wars boldly goes where it’s never gone before except for many, MANY other times: someone’s dead family member has shown up BEYOND late to impart some mostly unhelpful “wisdom”! Thank goodness Ahsoka gets to enjoy this sacred rite of Jedi passage. God knows it’s worked out GREAT for Luke.
Yes, Ahsoka was almost dead (AGAIN), but of course we can’t let THAT happen now or possibly EVER, and so FINALLY Anakin Skywalker decided he supposed he could get up and brush his teeth and put on pants and go over to the World Between Worlds (motto: “Keeping This One In Our Back Pocket for the Next Time We Write Ourselves Into a Corner Since 2018″) to remind Ahsoka about her traumatic childhood as a teenage soldier. Always spreading sunshine in his wake, that one. On the plus side, we were treated to multiple Anakin Hairstyles AND Live Action Clone Wars Armor, so, I cannot possibly complain.
When we last left the gang, Huyang had been fondly reminiscing to Hera about how Anakin — Ahsoka’s former master — was insane. Well…fair. We also learned something from Jacen, yet another child whose family is DEEPLY ODD and who possibly only exists because birth control doesn’t work on sperm that has the Force I guess (either that or Padme AND Hera are just as dopey as everyone else here and they just both desperately thought the exact middle of a violent government overthrow and subsequent resulting fascism, which was directly impacting their lives, was an IDEAL time to have their weird wizard husbands knock them up.) He’s sure his Baby Jedi Senses are tingling! He thinks they can find Ahsoka! All he has to do is follow the sound of dramatic explosions, I assume. Hera, because again — no one in this franchise is sane — was like “yep, sounds legit, let’s go for it, Small Child I am responsible for!” Sigh.
OK, OK, right this way, please — it’s a bit of a hike, I’m afraid, because Anakin has decided we’ve gotta walk back in time again…
Recurring Theme: Enough of That Old Trauma Let’s Start Experiencing Some New Trauma
We’re back in The Clone Wars, and Baby ‘Soka is lamenting to her recently-acquired Master that she feels guilty that they lost so many clones on this mission. Before we even get into the dialogue, please enjoy that this was the first frame I saw when sitting down to write this:
Yep. Snips and Skyguy must be close!
Ahsoka flips around and kicks some ass and as she poses (her dads must be so proud), she gets kudos from her one of her billion identical brothers who have one of the most batshit backstories in this entire series (and THAT takes EFFORT, OK?):
*sobs* I’m fine! Rex tells her they’ll secure the perimeter and tears off with several other clones. Ahsoka stands there feeling ways about things, taking in all the carnage around her. SUCH a great hands-on learning environment for someone who’s basically a SEVENTH GRADER.
Recurring Theme: Anakin Skywalker, Totally Knows What He’s Doing Yeah That’s It
Speaking of immature people, as she stands there, eventually General Anakin “Apparently This Guy Is Our Best?” Skywalker is back, moseying up behind her and saying:
LOL. Great. So, you don’t even remember WHAT this is a flashback TO, and you have no real information to provide to her despite the fact that you’re the Space Messiah AND you’ve been dead for literal years. Thanks for stopping by, Anakin! Indispensable as always. Maybe he should have waited in the car and let Obi-Wan handle this.
Recurring Theme: Take a Sad Song And Make It Sadder
Ah HA! But you see, the flashback has shifted, and there’s a reason Anakin doesn’t remember this one! It’s definitely not because something HORRIBLY PAINFUL HAPPENED though, don’t worry, we all know Star Wars wouldn’t do us like that! Ehh??
OK FINE: Anakin doesn’t remember this battle because he wasn’t there! B-but, what battle could Ahsoka have been at without her Master?
Well, friends, you see, there was this time on Mandalore? A Siege of it, even! Aaaand Team Handsome had had to leave Ahsoka and Rex and Jesse and OH THE PAIN and anyways long story short, everything collapsed and everyone died and everyone did a lot of crying but probably nobody did so more than Anakin. Yes, this is a battle Ahsoka led with Bo-Katan after her dads had to leave suddenly — because Sidious had kidnapped himself again, and also he was just getting REALLY tired of waiting to finish making Anakin go insane.
Ahsoka tells him that this was the Siege of Mandalore, and…
His hot mess sweaty hair! These two! UGH.
Anakin remarks that it looks like this battle was intense, and she says it was indeed. I like that Anakin leaves out what HE was doing while she and Bo and Rex and Maul and everyone in Madhouse Mandalore was busy doing this — because what HE was doing was, at least in part:
- Basically professing his eternal faithfulness to Obi-Wan/locking it down and making it official while in the middle of trying to save the president of Space from a kidnapping;
- Carrying a concussed Obi-Wan out of burning wreckage as Obi-Wan regains consciousness and instantly recognizes Anakin’s ass within seconds;
- Hitting on Obi-Wan as soon as they got home, then leaving to go hit on his secret wife he thinks no one knows he had.
Sincerely, he is the worst. I love him.
Recurring Theme: Unhelpful Advice From a Dead Guy
Anakin, using a hilarious tone of voice that suggests that he thinks he is Very Official, Wise and Learned, tells her:
Huh. And here all this time I thought he was trying to teach her to cling onto everyone she knows with a death grip, throw fits when she isn’t constantly told how great she is, and prank call Obi-Wan.
That’s What I’m Afraid Of
Ahsoka sounds defeated and asks if that’s all she’s meant to be. Anakin replies:
SOMEONE STAGE AN EXORCISM. Everything he is?? EVERYTHING?? What about the “spent decades as a genocidal maniac” portion of the program? I love that EVERYONE apparently has this unspoken rule that We Do Not Discuss The Vader Years. We don’t ask him what the fuck happened, why he was so stupid, or what his actual deal is. We also don’t talk about how one of the most evil, terrifying beings in Galactic History not only defected away from evil and is now living forever as his Hot Young Self forever. Or that it turns out Darth Vader, a person surely MANY people in this universe knew about, WAS Anakin Skywalker the Jedi the whole damn time. I mean, why ever tell anyone about that, amirite? It’s not like this information would have been relevant to the universe at large or, say, ANAKIN’S OWN GRANDSON OR ANYTHING, right?
UGH. ANYWAYS.
Recurring Theme: We Come From a Long Line of Reckless Hotheads
I now laugh for days because he emphasizes that she’ll have all the knowledge he possesses. LIKE WHAT, SKYWALKER. How to get Obi-Wan to pull you over to The Good Place since you have done one (1) decent thing for the first time in YEARS, told your son to brag to his sister about how you were Actually Good This Whole Time Oopsie, and still haven’t even said you’re sorry to ANYONE!? Sure, dude.
He continues:
And what a storied line of Geniuses they were!
He says, with this gravitas like I’m supposed to take him seriously (sorry Anakin but if it hasn’t happened by now I don’t think it’s going to), that she’s “part of a legacy”. OF WHAT. Getting bamboozled by Space Satan because you forgot to sleep for days because you had a Bad Dream? Hitting on your enemies at every opportunity? Claiming a random ancient prophecy is compelling you to stage a friendly kidnap of a possibly-evil child before leaving your college-aged son to do all the parenting work for you? Defecting to the Dark Side and commanding an army of robots? Getting murdered by and/or murdering your family members?? Yes, truly a Legacy. Of…something, I guess.
Recurring Theme: I Me Mine
Ahsoka isn’t reassured by this (WHO CAN SAY WHY): she says her part of that legacy is just “death and war”. Um, Ahsoka? I’m pretty sure ANAKIN has a lock on THAT part of the legacy.
Anakin makes a face and counters: she’s MORE than just THAT! Buuuuut, in true Anakin Fashion, this is mostly just another chance for him to be like “and I AM NOT EVIL ANYMORE OR ANYTHING, OKAY???”. She’s more than just death and war…
FINE, Skywalker. But also? Hang on, lemme break this down in pie chart form for you, sweet pea:
So, y’know…I mean, he’s technically correct. But I wouldn’t say it’s NOT a large part of his er, legacy.
Anakin cracks me up because he looks VERY offended by this. Ahsoka pauses in thought for a moment, and then tells him that he is more than just a horrible vortex of death. But…
Recurring Theme: Anakin Skywalker, Thought We Were Done Talking About All That
Anakin. ANAKIN. LOL oh my GOD. At this, he practically ROLLS HIS EYES and says:
YEAH AHSOKA; GEEZ, MOVE ON ALREADY! Sure he tried to kill you, and killed a LOT of your friends, and ruined your life AND you haven’t ever had a chance to discuss any of this with him EVER, but like, he’s so over that? Ugh, do you really need to talk about The Unpleasantness AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER?? He is thisclose to running into Obi-Wan’s ghostly arms.
Anakin scowls: she hasn’t learned anything! Ahsoka, upset, argues back that WELL, if I’m everything you are, …??
Anakin declares that he’s given her a choice — and at this, he ignites a red light saber, and his eyes do The Shift, and he turns around to give her the options. Live…
SIGH. So yes, once again they’re Dueling:
I unironically love how retro these shots look.
So, Ahsoka is getting her ass beat and Anakin’s making that angry little muffin face he makes and eventually he boots her in the stomach, sending her tumbling back to The World Between Worlds, where he Vaderishly stalks over to her:
His figure glitches between Anakin and Vader, and he informs her that she “lacks conviction” as he moves in on her again.
Anakin, for God’s sake.
Recurring Theme: Fork In The Road
Eventually Ahsoka regains her footing and she gets him into a spot where she could — if, say, she was about to spin WAY out of control and do something STUPID — slice Anakin’s head off. She glares at him, gets right up in his face with a lightsaber blade next to his throat, and…well, of course she stops. DID WE ALL CATCH THE LESSON ABOUT NOT CHOOSING THE DARK SIDE? It was very subtle so you may have missed it the last 5,194 times.
Ahsoka tells him:
Anakin stares at her, seeming overwhelmed and like he’s juuuuuuuust about trying to fight off a smile. He backs up and takes her in again, then SUPER FUCKING DRAMATICALLY looks like he’s proud MAINLY OF HIMSELF LOL. He takes a deep breath and, returning to his Regular Classic Anakin Look, does this:
D’awww. This bean. DAMNIT ANAKIN.
He gives her a little nod and tells her “there’s hope for you yet” and I GET that he was her Master and all but also WHY IS ANYONE LETTING ANAKIN RUN THIS ENCOUNTER? “Hey Ahsoka, sorry I dipped for 30 years and also tried to kill you AND killed your other dad but I just wanted you to know you still haven’t gotten your Jedi GED and also I did a great job raising you and also look how cute I am and no, I can provide ZERO additional help or guidance to you. PS: Stop bringing up my Tragic Backstory; it makes me feel bad.”
Great! Another home run, Skywalker. Pleasure as always. Now get back to all the very important things you CLEARLY must have been so VERY BUSY with in the afterlife up to this point. Tell Obi-Wan I said hi and also that he’s hopeless.
Recurring Theme: Nobody’s Ever Really Gone
Ahsoka has now managed to avoid dying for at LEAST the twelfth time due to Wacky Space Magic, and she comes to in a pool of water, where she’s found and pulled out.
Ahsoka, apparently knowing that someone has to fill the void of saying “Anakin” a billion times a day now that Obi-Wan’s dead, murmurs this as she regains awareness.
…I’m just impressed that she and Obes always manage to not include profanities along with his name.
Meanwhile, Jacen and Chopper have been anxiously awaiting Ahsoka’s return:
Jacen is delighted: They got her, chop! Wizard! Yippie! Etc.
I’m Learning To Live Without You Now
A bit later, we see Ahsoka waking up in a bunk on the ship. Huyang informs her that she’s been out for one rotation, but more importantly:
Ahsoka is like “…Jacen’s here?” with the face of someone who is probably vaguely thinking dear God not another one of us. He tells her that yes, he’s there, along with Hera and some X-Wings and TOTALLY not Allowed but they’re doing it anyways! Well, Ahsoka should feel right at home then.
Huyang also tells her that no: they still haven’t found Sabine. She looks thoughtful, but composed, and does not elect to elaborate about how she just spoke to and fought with a dead man and then time-traveled, because why mention something so very mundane, I guess.
Recurring Theme: I Believe The Children Are Our Future
She puts on one of her Action Ponchos and heads outside:
Jacen is THRILLED to see her and goes running in for a hug:
The Obi-Wan Show and this show could ONLY have been made for the sole purposes of giving my faves hugs and putting them in new outfits while trying to pretend I don’t know that Team Handsome are Old Men now (YES, even and especially you, McGregor) and Lucasfilm would have justified their existence.
Ahsoka thanks Jacen for helping her not die, and he tells her that he heard her fighting someone! With lightsabers! WHO WAS IT AUNTIE SOKA??? Ahsoka makes a face that is maaaaaaybe trying too hard to look unfazed by this, and Hera tries to distract Jacen with seeing the inside of Ahsoka’s ship. Jacen complains that he’s seen the inside of a starship mom, GOD, and Ahsoka smirks:
Awww! Our girl’s finally ready to come home! *sniffle*
At this, Jacen is once again in Happy Kid Mode and Huyang takes him onto the ship (while hilariously informing him that he will not be training him to use a lightsaber, LOL. Huyang is smarter than most of the adults in this franchise.)
So with the kid being babysat, Hera asks Ahsoka if she knows where Sabine is. Ahsoka holds up the half-an-orb and tells Hera that the last time she saw Sabine, she was holding this. Hera, understandably, is like “So…this helps us how, exactly?” Ahsoka tells her that it’s possible that she left an impression on the item:
Is Elderly Quinlan Vos still around, hitting on everyone and generally just being a lovable asshole? Can we get him over here for comedic reasons? He’s good at this particular Jedi Parlor Trick!
Hera asks if this means they’ll know what happened, and Ahsoka just says “…possibly”, because she’s evidently decided she’s old enough to start being an Unclear Weirdo Projecting An Air of Mystery all the time just like everyone else in her deranged Jedi family tree.
Recurring Theme: Bad Guy Greatest Hits
Ahsoka then stands there all meditate-y, and hears echos of Sabine’s exchange with Baylan, complete with his Join The Dark Side Recruitment Speech:
SO: Ahsoka confirms that yes, Sabine is still alive, and the bad guys took her with them. Aaaand that it’s not gonna be like they can just Uber over to her, unfortunately.
At this, Hera’s informed that the fleet is on its way.
Got a Whale of a Tale to Tell You, Lads
Hera huffs that she’ll deal with smoothing things over, and Ahsoka can focus on finding Sabine. Ahsoka stands there looking Wizardly, listening and feeling and letting the Force flow through her and letting go of everything she fears to lose and whatnot, presumably. Gradually, she starts to hear Something. She looks up: The Space Whales are Back!
Yet Another Underpaid Employee
Hera is getting lectured by Mon Mothma, who’s like “…so, you’re here without permission because why exactly?? Did you capture Morgan? Or find out what Thrawn’s deal is?”
When Hera admits that well, no, they haven’t done any of their actual deliverables for this project, Mon is like “…mmkay, so, you guys are gonna need to come back to Coruscant posthaste! Also if you don’t you might get fired!” DUN DUN DUUUN! Mon then, like everyone in this rude galaxy, just hangs up on her without even waiting to see if she has any follow up questions.
Hera is like “well, that sucked”, but before she can think about it too much more, Ahsoka walks in and announces that she knows how to follow Sabine. So like 30 seconds earlier Ahsoka made it sound like she was gonna be burning the midnight oil cracking this one, and now after like a Moment of Breathing she’s got it sorted out? ‘K.
So, they all fly up into the cloud of space whales, yet another phrase I cannot believe I’ve gotten to write since starting this insanely stupid recap blog. Bless you, Star Wars. (Y’all have NO idea how tempted I was to slip a few Suggestions under the door at Lucasfilm HQ when I was sightseeing in San Francisco last summer.) (Don’t lie: I KNOW YOU NERDS THERE HAVE READ THIS BLOG. I know. And since clearly someone over there liked my ideas for the Obi-Wan show, well, I’m just saying I HAVE MORE TO GIVE.)
Ahsoka steps out of her ship to go make friends with one of the especially large whales, and let’s just hope she has Obi-Wan’s gift for interacting with animals.
Hera asks Carson to tell the approaching fleet to back off until they’re done with this Whale Quest, and the rest of the fleet is like “uhhh…??? Done with what, exactly?”
He bumbles his way through this exchange, relenting to tell the fleet what’s going on only once they threaten to fire him. Ahsoka continues trying to make nice with the whales, as Jacen watches transfixed by her Unlimited Powah, etc. She’s gonna get in with these guys! They’re gonna take them to Ezra! And Thrawn! And probably a lot of other stupid stuff!
She focuses on the task at hand. After what I assume was some psychic Back and Forth, the whale — apparently wanting to give a nod to our Corporate Overlords by evoking imagery from deep in the depths of The Disney Vault — opens its mouth for our friends to hitch a ride.
She knocks on the window of the ship and cheerfully tells Huyang to get this show on the road:
So with Monstro’s mouth open, Huyang and Ahsoka fly into the whale’s mouth, en route to…well, where exactly ARE we going, Ahsoka? Do these guys actually know where Sabine is?
Ha! Well, unfortunately for Huyang, this girl IS indeed part of a Legacy. Of LUNATICS. He’s distressed, but Ahsoka maintains her Zen: she doesn’t know where they’re going, but going somewhere is better than going nowhere! I mean, I GUESS, Tano, but I can think of several notable instances in this story where one or MANY people would have been FAR better off by staying in and watching reruns (ANAKIN.)
Everyone is dazzled by the Majestic Space Whales, and Hera notices that it looks like the whales are getting ready to jump across time and space or whatever the hell is going on here. Ahsoka says she’s sorry they can’t join them, and promises that she’ll find Ezra and Sabine. Hera gives her the customary “Force Be With You”, and Ahsoka and her Giant Sky Mammal Friends and her long-suffering robot buddy are off to Parts Unknown, for whatever insanity awaits. I can hear Thrawn’s pipe organ theme already. You’ll just have to join me next time to see where this wackiness sends us.
And with that, Lucasfilm Chief Nerd Officer Dave Filoni takes a bow, and this episode’s done! Of the many, many, MANY things I thought might happen to these characters, I can’t say “time travel, space whales, ghosts, Obi-Wan and Anakin’s runaway daughter, and Thrawn” was HIGH on my list of guesses back when George wrapped up the movies in 2005, but also NOTHING surprises me in Star Wars anymore. Lord only knows what sorts of sentences I’ll be writing for this blog in another 10 years.
Speaking of which: Snark Wars is officially celebrating its 10th Anniversary this year. Thank you so much for reading, and revisiting, these recaps over the years. It’s my absolute pleasure to share this site with you. Until next time!