Galen Erso gets a mandatory job offer; the Rebellion finally figures out what that gigantic menacing ball is; Bail and Mon Mothma deserve some PTO.
K-2 proves once again that droids should not stay with the ship; Krennic gets a talking-to; no cause is complete without a couple of space monk husbands.
Saw’s fight is over; Galen’s read the guide on how to die like a Star Wars dad; Anakin’s back again to defend his title.
We go back to the beginning, which is easily as weird and dorky as the middle and the end. (Also Obi-Wan’s terrible haircut is there.)
Artoo saves the gang for the first of what is surely at least a hundred times by now; it’s time once again for some coarse, rough, irritating sand.
Qui-Gon makes the galaxy’s most significant bet; Anakin probably buys that Boonta Eve poster he keeps in his room later.
Qui-Gon collects his winnings; Anakin says a significant goodbye (and a significant hello); Palpatine is, was, and ever shall be the goddamn worst.
Palpatine’s on the verge of a promotion; Padme’s ready to throw down; Obi-Wan has another wonderful day.
Sheev gets the dominoes lined up; Obi-Wan gets a really important assignment (and lives through more trauma); Yoda is understandably not sure about any of this.
The Jedi Order sends Senator Amidala a really nice, if dramatic, Personal Protection Squad; Uncle Palpatine sure hopes all this drama won’t lead to war.
Anakin and Obi-Wan hit the bar; Anakin continues his quest to earn the Lifetime Title of Most Awkward Person Ever; Padme is a really good sport.
Obi-Wan meets the GAR for the first time; Anakin makes his move and shares some thoughts about sand.
Obi-Wan discovers the other half of the Clone Wars; Anakin has maybe the second-worst day of his life.
Obi-Wan gets some Inside Information; Palpatine scores a Key Victory; Padme brings a giant shawl to a showdown.
Anakin and Padme make a Dramatic Commitment; Obi-Wan is outrageously and needlessly handsome; The Clone Wars are off and running.
Anakin and Padme make a decision that sort of ends up indirectly dooming the universe; finally someone other than Obi-Wan cuts off a limb.
Obi-Wan and Anakin are the Handsome Heroes we all deserve; Sheev is a gloriously wicked villain; I love this movie so much.
Anakin gets some Big News and has his first, but not last, temper tantrum of this film; Obi-Wan is an embarrassed dad with a Bad Feeling About This.
Anakin complains a lot; Sidious pulls off his barely-there disguise; Grievous meets his fate.
The Jedi Order has its worst day in a long time; Darth Vader arrives on the scene; Obi-Wan escapes death but will maybe wish he hadn’t.
Vader does a little TCB on Mustafar; Obi-Wan gets some bad news, then some worse news, then some much worse news; Padme learns The Truth.
Padme makes her exit with some insightful commentary; Luke and Leia make their sorrow-tinged debut; Obi-Wan and Anakin break up; Sidious hangs up the Mission Accomplished banner.
Never forget: Revenge of the Sith always has more to give.
Leia tells her bio-dad to shove it; Luke just wanted to buy power converters; Vader is, was, and ever shall be a Drama Queen.
Artoo sends Luke off on an early-morning errand; Obi-Wan presents the Abridged and Not Entirely Accurate History of the Clone Wars.
Obi-Wan gets back to doing with he loves; the gang gains a smug new pilot and gets the hell off Tatooine (for now.)
Alderaan becomes the Death Star’s latest and most-blown-up victim yet; Han Solo thinks the Force is for suckers.
The Skywalker Twins reunite for the first time since their birth; Obi-Wan and Anakin reunite for the last time until their deaths.
Star Wars: Episode IV, Part VI: …And They All Lived Happily Ever After (Or For At Least A Few Minutes)
Luke becomes Imperial Enemy #1; Han might be interested in more than just money. Maybe.
It’s the final showdown! (At least for the next few years or so.)
Luke almost dies a few minutes into his latest adventure; Leia makes an ill-informed move; Obi-Wan’s sending Luke on a field trip.
Echo Base gets taken out of commission; Anakin’s room is as ridiculous as he is; Luke’s off on a Jedi field trip.
Not for the first (or last!) time, Luke learns that someone isn’t quite who he thought they were.
Leia and Han head off to the clouds; Yoda gets further proof that Luke is his father’s son.
Han, Leia and Chewie get an unexpected dinner guest; Obi-Wan and Yoda are once again no match for a Skywalker who’s set his mind on something.
Luke confronts Vader, and gets more than he bargained for; Next Stop: Sand!
We’re going to the desert, and we’re building a Superweapon — this series is going to go out doing what it loves.
Leia kicks some Hutt tail; Luke gives himself a promotion; Sidious has it all figured out.
Luke demands the results of his paternity test; Yoda is terminally tired; Obi-Wan loves Anakin; Han Solo is liking this Rebellion thing more than he lets on.
Vader gets his marching orders; Leia gets the bad news; Luke’s off to meet his destiny for like the 12th time this year alone.
Prepare for the holiday season with Snark Wars!